DT Friday Gossip Column
Just like the BBC’s gossip column, except all the rumors are made up by the same source (me).
Breaking Gossip:
Bayern Munich striker Lukas Podolski has decided he can’t wait until the January transfer window to leave the club and has fled back to hometown club, and desired destination, Cologne, where he plans to hide out in the bowels of the RheinEnergieStadion until Bayern forgets about him and voids his contract.
“Shh! Don’t tell anyone I’m down here!” said Podolski as he ducked behind an old toilet.
Transfer Gossip:
Manchester City are still planning on spending more money than is in existence in order to sign every player they can name.
Kaka says he would like a switch to the Premier League eventually…then giggled when all the reporters took this as something more than the absent minded musings of a bored footballer.
Ronaldo (the fat one) will forgo retirement to continue his career with a small club in rural Brazil that will pay him in butter and will only require him to play when he feels like it (i.e. never).
Chelsea will let Didier Drogba go to Inter Milan in January if Jose Mourinho will give them Adriano, €40 million, and maybe one more thing if that request isn’t already unrealistic enough.
Karim Benzema continues to state his desire to play in England or Italy, piquing the interest of every major club in those countries and causing Lyon to say: “You keep scoring goals and win us another league title, and we’ll keep pretending we’ll let you leave one day.”
Other Gossip:
Arsenal defender and former captain William Gallas is on a mission to make everyone on the planet hate him.
Celtic goalkeeper Artur Boruc claims he doesn’t have any friends among his teammates because he doesn’t want any, not because he’s completely insane.
Dimitar Berbatov is struggling to recover from his thigh injury and make it back for Manchester United’s next match. And his inability to find a beautiful woman to rub coco oil into his upper thigh area is not helping matters.
And Finally:
On the heels of Sir Alex Ferguson’s admission that he once passed up dinner with Frank Sinatra because he was upset after a loss, Roma manager Luciano Spalletti has claimed he once passed up lunch with Luciano Pavarotti because, well, the fat bastard would’ve eaten everything.
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