Dirty Tackle
Football. Culture. Nonsense.

After years of too much diving and feigning injuries, footballers have developed a reputation as a bunch of Nancy-Boys. Well, the following is a group of badasses that would give you a Chuck Norris kick to the face if you attempted to pin them with that label. We’ve gone position by position to pick the most hardcore (not necessarily the most skilled) starting XI out there today. There are no David Beckhams or Cristiano Ronaldos here.

Wayne Rooney, Striker, Manchester United
In the 2006 World Cup, Rooney was shown a red card for stomping on Portuguese defender Ricardo Carvalho, then shoved Manchester United teammate Cristiano Ronaldo, when he attempted to defend Carvalho. Also, judging by the following video, Rooney has fists of fury that you don’t usually see from a footballer, as well as a hatred for pinatas and the ability to implode a building with a single shot…

Edmundo The Animal, Striker, Vasco da Gama
Now 37 years old and still playing, Edmundo has become the stuff of legend for his short temper, penchant for getting sent off, and general badassery. You can see some of his antics on the pitch in the video below, but to many he is perhaps best known for rumors that he had a full circus in his backyard for his son’s first birthday, then proceeded to get a monkey named Pedrinho drunk on beer and whiskey. Full circus in the backyard, with drunken monkeys stumbling around? If that isn’t the most awesome first birthday party ever, I’m not sure what would be.

Gennaro “The Snarling Dog” Gattuso, Midfielder, AC Milan
Gattuso is just a big ball of rage — a kamikaze of unhinged insanity that makes him a force of nature on the pitch. Just watch:

Michael Essien, Midfielder, Chelsea
Though he’s a great hard tackler, Essien is mainly on this list because he claims to sleep 14 hours a day in order to play better. Not just after pulling an all nighter or running a marathon — 14 hours every day. That’s dedication. Or some kind of medical problem.

Daniele De Rossi, Midfielder, Roma
De Rossi is a player in the same vein as Gattuso — someone who plays with raw emotion — but he kind of looks like he could be a serial killer, so I think that gives him an extra dimension that works to his advantage. Seriously, look into his eyes and tell me he doesn’t reenact scenes from the movie Hostel in his free time:

Michael Bradley, Midfielder, Borussia Monchengladbach
Bradley, the lone American, is yet another midfielder with a short fuse. He’s mainly here for his involvement in a scuffle that followed the USA vs. Uraguay U-20 World Cup match last year. After having to be restrained by half his team, he taunts his opponents with something far better than his middle finger: the final score (around the 1:00 mark).

Andy Todd, Defender, Derby County
Once described by Spurs manager Harry Redknapp as a “tough bastard,” Andy Todd earns his way into this group as the only man to literally kick an opponent’s ass.

John Terry, Defender, Chelsea
Yes, he cried after missing a penalty kick to win the Champion’s League last season, but after what he did at the Carling Cup final a couple years ago, I think he deserves a pass. After all, how many defenders would use their face to block a shot? That’s exactly what JT did. He caught a boot to the face, got knocked out cold, started convulsing, and almost swallowed his tongue. His team went on to win the Carling Cup without him, though, and after almost dying on the pitch and a quick trip to the hospital, he still made it out in time to celebrate with his teammates at the club that night.

Nemanja Vidic, Defender, Manchester United
Vidic (pictured above, spitting blood) is just a tough-as-nails nutjob who may or may not be a terminator sent from the future to destroy anyone in his path.

Khalid Boulahrouz, Defender, Stuttgart
Boulahrouz is here for two reasons: 1) His nickname is “The Cannibal” and 2) He made Cristiano Ronaldo cry at the 2006 World Cup.

Artur Boruc, Goalkeeper, Celtic
Everyone knows all goalkeepers are a little off, but Boruc goes beyond that. In fact, if he weren’t doing this, he would probably be pacing the streets and hitting himself in the head while mumbling invectives. He was recently suspended from the Polish national team for allegedly breaking curfew and trashing a hotel room along with two teammates. He has also caused problems at the club level, stoking the sectarianism in Scotland by crossing himself and taunting Rangers fans behind his goal.

Honorable Mention:

Eric Cantona, Striker
He’s been retired for some time now, but anyone who goes Bruce Lee on a fan deserves to be recognized here…

Tags: Andy Todd, Artur Boruc, Badass, Daniele De Rossi, Edmundo The Animal, Eric Cantona, Gattuso, John Terry, Khalid Boularouz, Michael Bradley, Michael Essien, Nemanja Vidic, Wayne Rooney, XI of Doom