Following Lionel Messi’s Instagram announcement that he and partner Antonella Roccuzzo are expecting their second child together, Cristiano Ronaldo has announced his plan for twins. This would give Ronaldo three children, while Messi would only have two.
“I just decided that I want to have more children,” Ronaldo told reporters at a hastily arranged press conference. “And why have one at a time when you can have two like a true champion? So I’m looking for a woman from a family with lots of twins. Anyone who meets this requirement should email me at Twins4Cristiano@gmail.com immediately.”
Asked if his announcement had anything to do with Messi’s, Ronaldo feigned shock and replied, “Is Messi having another child? I hadn’t heard. I don’t secretly follow him on Instagram so I wouldn’t have known. Anyway, when I have the twins, I’ll have more children than him. He has one more Ballon d’Or than I do, but that’s just a piece of metal. Children are our future. That’s what I care about. Obviously Messi doesn’t. So maybe he’s the selfish one. Did I just blow your mind or did I just blow your mind?”
Ronaldo currently leads Messi by one goal in the race to be La Liga’s top scorer, but extending the highly scrutinized competition between the two best footballers in the world to fatherhood adds a new dimension to their rivalry. Ronaldo denies that this has anything to do with his rival on the pitch, though.
“This isn’t about Messi,” Ronaldo said. “It’s just about how much I love being a father more than he does.”
Ronaldo’s announcement has already prompted heated debate amongst fans and pundits alike as to which player is the better father. Sports data company Opta has begun tracking statistical categories from “Lego building efficiency” to “child’s crying percentage” to help determine which father is truly the best.
When reached for comment on the matter, Messi said, “I would love to have even more babies. My record is 73 goals in a year, so I’m hoping Antonella and I can have 73 babies in a year, too.”