Iker Casillas is eating McDonald’s and being sad

The day after ending a trophyless season with Real Madrid, Iker Casillas tried to fill the void with the ultimate shame meal: a bagful of McDonald’s.

But two weeks later, it’s only gotten worse. Despite Iker publicly stating that he wants to end his career at Real Madrid, rumors of David De Gea coming to take his job persist, forcing Iker consider the possibility of moving abroad.

And so, almost exactly one year to the day that he experienced the most sadness a non-Brazilian footballer has ever experienced, Iker had to suffer even further by sitting on the bench and watching his possible replacement at Real Madrid face his current backup at Real Madrid (Keylor Navas) in a friendly between Spain and Costa Rica.

“He’s acting like I’m not even here. But I am here, David! I’m real and I have feelings and you’re hurting them! Why are you doing this to me, David? I know you can hear my silent suffering!”

“He’s laughing. He’s probably laughing at me. ‘Look at the old man who doesn’t know when to step aside.’ I’m 34! That’s not that old for a goalkeeper, David! You’ll be 34 one day too! But then I’ll be 44. Oh god…”

“He thinks he’s so cool with his stylish haircut and his gracefulness. Well I bet he wouldn’t be so confident if Jose Mourinho ruined his life, too. He has no idea what it’s like to be treated like an old shoe. Forgotten in the closet…”

“I’m fine. I’m totally fine. Everything is fine. Just don’t look at me and I’ll be fine.”

“You’ll be my friend, right Juanfran? You’ll hug me when I need to be hugged and tell me that David De Gea looks like a llama when I need to be told that David De Gea looks like a llama?”

“Guys, guys, guys, Iker’s squeezing the life out of Juanfran and sobbing. Don’t look, don’t look, don’t look!”

“They don’t want me on the pitch. They don’t want me on the bench. I guess I’ll just stand here and hold these balls. Forever.”

“Surrounded by so many people, yet feeling so alone. This is the life of Iker Casillas.”


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