A translation of Angel Di Maria’s open letter to Man United

Angel Di Maria finally completed his move to PSG after just one season with Manchester United. As he did so, he released an open letter to his former club and their fans (via journalist Guillem Balague). It was a lovely note, but there was a definite subtext to it that we have helpfully spelled out for anyone who might have missed it.

To Manchester United:

I write this note to thank all the Manchester United family for the great support I received during the year I’ve been part of this Club.

Translation: Yeah, thank you so much for keeping me around for one whole season, you guys. I mean, by getting rid of the player you spent a club record fee on faster than it took Katy Perry and Russell Brand to get divorced really shows you’ve got a supportive, family-like environment happening. (Not.)

When Manchester United chose me as part of their team I felt extremely honoured because I knew what this Club means and how it trusted me.

Translation: Just a reminder that YOU chose ME. I didn’t even want to leave Real Madrid in the first place. And now I know that you’re less trusting than Cristiano Ronaldo after finding texts from The Rock on his girlfriend’s phone.

Nevertheless, I’m aware things didn’t work as we all expected and believe me, I feel really sorry about it. However in the career of a football player sometimes the unexpected and unwanted may happen.

Translation: I’m so sorry you couldn’t figure out how to get the best out of a player in the UEFA team of the year. Clearly that’s all my fault. But unexpected and unwanted things happen…like when you convinced Real Madrid to sell me to you.

I can guarantee you it was not for trying. I did my best but football is not like maths: often a lot of things out of our control affect the way we feel and the way things turn out. I am sorry it did not work out as I would have wished in this amazing huge club.

Translation: You’re keeping Ashley Young but getting rid of me?!!?! Are you serious?!?!?!

I want to give special thanks to all the Directors and Management of Manchester United as well as to every member of the staff and colleagues as they gave me all their support. Also a special mention to all the fans who always trusted me and showed me their respect and love.

Translation: I’ll give a tenner to anyone who stuffs their Man United Di Maria shirt down Louis van Gaal or Ed Woodward’s jowly gullets this season.

Now is time to move to PSG but the Glorious Manchester United Club will be forever in my memory!

Translation: The same way I’ll never forget that time I got food poisoning at that Chinese restaurant Van Gaal recommended.

Wish you all the best in the world.

Translation: Good luck in the Europa League knockout stage.

With best regards,

Translation: Suck it,

Angel Di Maria

Translation: Someone who is so much better than Ashley Young.

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