Random musings of Jamie Vardy before he falls asleep…

Right, so that’s the Ballon d’Or speech sorted. If I mention them in it, I’ll definitely get free Nando’s for life. … Remember, if you get another call from Cristiano Ronaldo or Lionel Messi asking you for advice, it’s probably just Robert Huth thinking he’s funny again. … Unless it isn’t. … When I make the move to Real Madrid, I’m going to make everyone pronounce my name “Hamie.” Just have to hope that a name that sounds like “ham” doesn’t ruin my Nando’s chicken deal. … Never going to get tired of saying “It’s-a me, Claudio!” to the boss. Never. … In hindsight, the assault and the racism probably weren’t best for my personal brand. … I’ve got to finish Chat Shit Get Banged: The Musical tomorrow. Andrew Lloyd Webber sounded serious on the phone when he said he wanted that done this week. … Score in 10 straight Premier League matches and I’m rated 71 in FIFA 16. Somebody better get sacked for that. … What if I score in every single match I play in for the rest of my life? What if I’m magic? … I’ll probably get invited to the secret word-class footballers’ WhatsApp group soon. … Need to pitch Burberry on my own line of cardigans called Vardigans. … Hamie Vardy … Hamie Vardy … Hamie Vardy …

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