Louis van Gaal’s suggested expectations for Manchester United fans

Between getting dumped from the Champions League to the Europa League and losing to Bournemouth, Louis van Gaal warned Manchester United fans that it was time to recalibrate their expectations and that the club’s days of dominating the Premier League are over.

From the Guardian:

“They say a club like Manchester United has to win,” the manager said. “That’s the past. You have to analyse the club now. Now we have much more clubs who have money … also the structure and are able to win something.”

So what exactly should Man United supporters expect? Here are some examples that should help keep them from being disappointed:

-Losing to newly promoted clubs that would spontaneously combust if they even looked at Man United’s wage bill.

-Settling into a continental competition that features the likes of the club that finished seventh in the Swiss Super League last season.

-A healthy assortment of sideways passes mixed in with the usual backpasses.

-Crying an average of one to two times per week.

-An endless string of managers who are not Sir Alex Ferguson.

-Consistently losing to lower division clubs in the Capital One Cup.

-Twinges of regret over the treatment of David Moyes.

-Wayne Rooney playing like he chugged a gallon of milk just before kickoff.

-Being linked to the likes of Neymar, Cristiano Ronaldo, and Gareth Bale but signing the crippled ghost of Bastian Schweinsteiger.

-Watching Chicharito gleefully score goal after goal for someone else.

-A strong urge to devote Saturdays to new hobbies and interests, like sitting alone in a dark room.

-Feeling that a once strong sense of superiority is nothing but a distant memory.

-Being able to relate to supporters of every other club in the world.

 

5 comments

  1. William says:

    “Being able to relate to supporters of every other club in the world.” is probably the most accurate.. Man Utd’s era of domination is over. At least, until Pep Guardiola or Ancelotti take over..

  2. Edward Snowden says:

    Man Utd supporters can always come to the USA to see total domination by the Republican Party. And THAT includes that pussy Obama.

    Great article!

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