Future News: Sick children make charitable visit Louis van Gaal’s house

Patients from Royal Manchester Children’s Hospital paid a special visit to the home of struggling Manchester United manager Louis van Gaal to spread some much needed holiday cheer. The children were delighted to help raise the spirits of someone less fortunate than them during Christmas period.

“It’s really important to do this when there are losing managers in need of a lift at Christmas time,” said eight-year-old Jimmy Thompson, who can only ever sleep through the pain that constantly ravages his small body when Manchester United are on television. “I’m sure it’s tough to be in danger of getting sacked after spending so much money and producing such terrible results, especially at this time of year. Hopefully we can cheer Louis and his family up a bit.”

“It really puts things in perspective,” added 12-year-old Diana Watkins. “People tend to think of sick kids like us as the ones who are most in need of cheering up with a PR photo opportunity, but it’s the Premier League managers like poor Louis that we should really feel sorry for. We have nice, comfortable beds and people being kind to us all the time, and he has to sit on those hard dugout chairs while angry fans constantly yell at him about not attacking enough. So it’s nice to give something back in this small way.”

The children assured Van Gaal that Chicharito will stop scoring any minute now and that Marouane Fellaini is an excellent striker while pretending to want his autograph, bringing a smile to the face of a manager sadly facing a Christmas in imminent danger of losing his job. 

After bringing a glimmer of holiday joy to Van Gaal, the children kept the goodwill flowing by letting Wayne Rooney score goals on them as they pretended to try their hardest to stop him. The smile on his face was all the thanks they needed.

“I don’t know how he has the courage to keep going,” said young Jimmy Thompson. “It’s truly inspiring.”

6 comments

  1. Rootcanals FC says:

    I wish I could buy a Dirty Tackle T-shirt so that everyone I meet could be made aware of cutting edge stories like this! Merry Christmas Brooks! You are hilarious!

  2. David Rivers says:

    Happy Holidays, Brooks! I read all of your articles once I’ve watched all the games I care about in the football week (No spoilers!) I hope you keep writing and have an excellent new year!

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