Transfer rumor industry in panic as Real Madrid, Atletico Madrid given transfer bans

FIFA has given both Real Madrid and Atletico Madrid one-year ban on registering new players in what is believed to be the most severe blow to the transfer rumor industry ever.

The Madrid clubs are being punished for “breaches relating to the international transfer and registration of players under the age of 18,” according to FIFA, but the harsher punishment falls on the newspapers and websites that depend on a steady stream of Real Madrid transfer rumors for their easiest and most lucrative content. 

“I don’t know what we’re going to do,” said one transfer rumor monger. “About 67% of all transfer rumors involve Real Madrid, so without the possibility of them making moves, what are we supposed to do? Create content of actual value that doesn’t prey on the gullible? That’s absurd.”

Both clubs can appeal the decision and even if it is upheld, they will still be able to sign players, they just can’t register them until the ban ends (as Barcelona did during their recent ban for similar offenses). This gives the peddlers of transfer rumors a glimmer of hope, but the effects of the ruling will still be far reaching.

“The worst part of this is that it makes it even less likely that Cristiano Ronaldo and Gareth Bale are sold,” said the anonymous rumor monger. “And that means we can’t link them to Manchester United for months. Months! I don’t know how we can survive this. We can only hope Lionel Messi likes a Man City photo on Instagram so we have something to get us through this dark period.”

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