Zlatan Ibrahimovic decrees Manchester United move, whether they want him or not

Following prolonged speculation, Zlatan Ibrahimovic has announced on his social media accounts that he’s joining Manchester United. As thoroughly unsurprising as this declaration was, it oddly was not accompanied by an official announcement from the club. As of this writing, it’s been 13 hours since Zlatan definitively stated that he’s joining Man United and the club hasn’t so much as retweeted his message.

The Daily Mail’s Mike Keegan asked the club what the deal was (literally).

That makes it sound like Zlatan just decided this is happening without even bothering to get input from the club. I imagine just before the tweeted this, he called up Man United CEO Ed Woodward and had the following conversation…

Zlatan: This is Zlatan. I am coming. I will tell the world.

Woodward: What? OK. Uh…wonderful! Perhaps we should agree to contractual terms first, though?

Zlatan: You will pay me generously or I will kick you in the head.

Woodward: That’s- that’s a fair offer. OK. Uh, OK. We’ll also need to have you pass a medical.

Zlatan: HA! My level of fitness cannot be measured by current medical science.

Woodward: OK, so that’s not necessary. Good. I feel good about this. Now, you did say that if we pay you generously you will not kick me in the head, correct?

Zlatan: I will probably still kick you in the head, but just not for that.

Woodward: OK, that’s not the answer I was hoping for, but alright.

Zlatan: We are done here. Soon the world will know.

Woodward: Lovely speaking to you again, Zlatan. I think this will prove to be a highly successful relationship for the both of us.

Zlatan: Stop talking now.

Woodward: Yes, sir.

It’s unclear when Zlatan will be officially unveiled at Old Trafford, but I’m sure Man United will be the first to know once he decides that.

UPDATE: It’s officially Zlatan Time at Man United.

2 comments

  1. Greggy says:

    Imagine if this becomes folklore in 100 years time.

    “There was this man Zlatan who lived long ago. He simply spoke his wil to join a football club, and it was so.”

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