A brief conversation with Wayne Rooney at a Man United partner event

Rooney: Is this an energy drink?

Guy: It’s for cars, Wayne.

Rooney: So if I drink it, will I go as fast as a car?

Guy: No, it’ll kill you if you drink it. Don’t do that.

Rooney: But would my ghost go as fast as a car?

Guy: I don’t, uh, I don’t know how to answer that.

Rooney: Well, email the scientists and let me know.

Guy: OK. I…I will do that.

Rooney: Drink Gulf!

Guy: No! Don’t drink this product — it’s motor oil, not a beverage.

Rooney: It’ll make your ghost go as fast as a car. Vroom vroom boo!

[Gulf Guy weeps]

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