Andy King’s expert analysis of the Champions League group stage draw

Hi. I’m Andy King. I’ve played for Leicester City since 2006 and I’ve won League One, the Championship, and now the Premier League with the club. It’s been a crazy ride and it’s about to get crazier as we prepare to play in the Champions League — a thing I was pretty sure Claudio Ranieri made up, like that “dilly-ding dilly-dong” stuff. Anyway, here’s my expert analysis of this amazingly real competition.

Group A

PSG
Arsenal
Basel
Ludogorets Razgrad

This is interesting because I went to an Italian restaurant last night and there was Basel on my pasta. Does this mean all the Basel comes from one place and that place has a really good football team? Obviously I know Arsenal quite well, but Ludogorets Razgrad sounds like a monster from Dungeons & Dragons. Scary.

Prediction: I was told only two teams from each group advance, and since PSG don’t have Zlatan anymore, I’m going to have to say Arsenal and that Ludogorets beast move forward. Then again, maybe the Ludogorets only eats meat, so Basel will be safe? This is difficult.

Group B

Benfica
Napoli
Dynamo Kiev
Besiktas

I’m sorry to say I’ve never heard of Ben Fica, but he must be incredible if he could qualify all by himself. I do know that Napoli got rid of that guy who always loses cup finals for Argentina every year, so they’ll probably be quite good, too. Dynamo Kiev I’m assuming are a club named after the spicy version of Chicken Kiev. That’s tricky. And Besiktas, wow, I feel like they must be a secret order of ninjas or something.

Prediction: There’s no way Mr. Fica survives — you just can’t compete with teams at this level all alone. I have to say Napoli and the Besiktas clan advance. I just hope no one gets killed.

Group C

Barcelona
Manchester City
Borussia Monchengladbach
Celtic

Now this group is even tougher than that third club name in it is to say. We played Barcelona in the preseason and when I met Lionel Messi, I couldn’t believe it. I thought he was a character made up for the FIFA video games. So a real Lionel Messi will be tough to deal with, even for Man City. Meanwhile, Celtic have Brendan Rodgers AND Kolo Toure now, so watch out for them, too. I’m not sure if you should watch out in a good or bad way, but definitely watch out.

Prediction: I have to say Barcelona and Man City will advance. Sorry, Brendan. Sorry, Kolo. Sorry, Borussia Mon…sorry, BM.

Group D

Bayern Munich
Atletico Madrid
PSV Eindhoven
Rostov

I don’t think I can say too much about this group until I find out what it’s a Rostov. Like, OK, it’s a Rost, but a Rost ov what? That’s important. I’m not sure why they left that out. Must have been a mistake.

Prediction: Withheld pending complete information.

Group E

CSKA Moscow
Bayer Leverkusen
Tottenham Hotspur
Monaco

I think Spurs will have trouble with this group, just as they had trouble keeping pace with us at the end of last season. If they couldn’t beat a mediocre Chelsea team when they needed to, how are they going to beat these three?

Prediction: Spursiness.

Group F

Real Madrid
Borussia Dortmund
Sporting CP
Legia Warsaw

This is awkward. Wasn’t there a Borussia in one of the other groups already? How can there be two? Doesn’t UEFA have a Borussia cap in this competition or do they just bow down to the powerful Borussias and let them do whatever they want? I don’t think that’s fair.

Prediction: I always used to play as Real Madrid in FIFA, so them and I guess at least one of the Borussias must get through.

Group G

Leicester City
Porto
Club Brugge
FC Copenhagen

I saw that Colin Farrell film “In Bruges” a few years ago so it will be fun to see where they made that. I’m sure the other places will be amazing, too. This is going to be incredible!

Prediction: I’ll probably buy a shot glass or something in each place as a souvenir. Have something to show my grandkids one day when I tell them the stories.

Group H

Juventus
Sevilla
Lyon
Dinamo Zagreb

Is Dinamo Zagreb like Dynamo Kiev but with beef? I never knew so many exceptional clubs had food connotations. Wales played Portugal in Lyon at the Euros. We lost. Not sure if that means anything for this competition, but I thought I’d just throw that out there.

Prediction: This competition is going to make hungry. Wait, are there any Hungarian teams in this?

2 comments

  1. Sunil Meti says:

    and Andy would like to thank the UEFA for the travel arrangements to all these wonderful places. He gets to see Bruges, Copenhagen and Porto.They get to see Leicester… Sweet

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