The 2015 Women’s World Cup winning U.S. team became the first all-female squad to be honored with a ticker-tape parade through New York City’s Canyon of Heroes on Friday morning (though individual female athletes have been celebrated this way before). And on Friday night, they brought the trophy on stage during a Taylor Swift concert in New Jersey, so the singer could hold it aloft, finally achieving what we can only assume was her plan all along and fulfilling her lifelong goal.
Category: Women’s World Cup
Japanese fans reacting to Carli Lloyd going Super Saiyan in the Women’s World Cup final
Carli Lloyd made history with the greatest World Cup final performance of all time, completing a hat trick in the first 16 minutes of the United States’ 5-2 win against Japan. And doing it with a goal scored from the halfway line just to prove that real life is just a game of FIFA 15 against someone’s grandpa for her.
For the Japanese fans on the receiving end of Lloyd’s wrath, it was not a pleasant experience. Here now are some of their reactions to the heavy defeat…
Carli Lloyd completes hat trick in Women’s World Cup final with shot from the halfway line IN THE 16TH MINUTE
You know how cup finals are usually tightly contested affairs that take time to develop and can be decided by the slimmest of margins? That did not happen in the 2015 Women’s World Cup final. When the U.S. spoke about getting revenge against the team that beat them on penalties in the 2011 final, it turns out they weren’t kidding.
Someone at the FA had the horrible idea to interview a devastated Laura Bassett
A mere 24 hours after England defender Laura Bassett endured the worst moment of her footballing life by scoring a last-minute own goal to eliminate her team from the Women’s World Cup semifinals, someone at the FA decided to put her in front of a camera and make her talk about that awful experience.
Lowlights include a clearly distraught Bassett saying, “I wouldn’t want anyone to know my name” and the interviewer ending with the gut punch of a question: “How can you move on from what’s happened?”
For once, the top comment on YouTube accurately sums up one’s feelings after watching this.
Japan performed a mind bending celebration after beating England
While England wept and wondered what they had done to deserve the cruelest of sporting fates after losing their Women’s World Cup semifinal 2-1 on a last-minute own goal, the ecstatic Japanese players did…whatever this is.
I don’t know what they’re doing, I don’t know why they’re doing it, but I do know that it’s transporting my mind into another dimension. One where nothing bad could ever happen, the trees are made of lollipops, and everyone is a winner.
England score own goal during injury time to lose Women’s World Cup semifinal in cruelest way possible
Own Goal in the 92nd minute. 2-1 #JPN. Wow. #WWC2015 pic.twitter.com/EJKXQIdrwO
— Ben Jata (@Ben_Jata) July 2, 2015
This might be the worst thing that has ever happened to anyone ever. With the score even at 1-1, and after England threatened to take the lead several times in the second half of their Women’s World Cup semifinal against defending champions Japan, Laura Bassett scored an own goal in the second minute of injury time.
Conspiracy Theory: The USA’s masterplan for ultimate Women’s World Cup success
-Get tournament in Canada, which is close enough for a large number of U.S. fans to attend, but without potential for accusations of host nation bias. (The only other bid came from Zimbabwe, who mysteriously withdrew a few months after the bid deadline.)
-Start indicting FIFA officials shortly before the start of the tournament to scare Jerome Valcke and Sepp Blatter away from attending. (Because having those scuzzbags around would just make everything 20% less enjoyable.)
Sepp Blatter won’t attend Women’s World Cup final because…reasons…personal reasons
Not usually one to miss out on a chance to be at the center of a major FIFA event, Sepp Blatter has decided to skip the Women’s World Cup final in Canada due to “personal reasons.” This comes after FIFA general secretary Jerome Valcke, skipped the tournament’s opening ceremony in the wake of several top FIFA officials were hit with indictments and extraditions proceedings by Canada’s friendly neighbor to the south.
England women prove that it is still possible for English teams to reach semifinals
The Football Association banned women’ football from 1921 until 1971. Despite this and countless other setbacks, the England women’s team has now done something that the men’s team hasn’t done since 1996: reach the semifinals of a major tournament, thus proving that it is still possible for an English team to do this, despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary.
France shed blood and tears in cruel loss to Germany
In yet another example of how FIFA ruins everything, France (No. 3 in the world) faced Germany (No. 1 in the world) in the Women’s World Cup quarterfinals. I repeat: the quarterfinals.