Tag: Claudio Ranieri

God: “Sacking Claudio Ranieri is a new low for humanity”

The almighty creator shocks the world by finally speaking out against mankind’s greatest crime

(Leicester City)

God, the supreme creator of all that exists, has stunned humankind by breaking His millennia-long press silence to speak out against Leicester City sacking title-winning manager Claudio Ranieri.

“Human beings have committed some truly heinous acts against each other,” boomed the all-powerful voice from the Heavens, exclusively to a select group of print journalists. “Murder, tyranny, acts of greed, and reality television! But sacking Claudio Ranieri, a true saint who performed an honest to Me miracle by winning the Premier League title with Leicester City—Leicester City!—last season is the worst I’ve seen and I see everything, even what you type into Google! Now I am forced to express my outrage in a way that mere thunderbolts and earthquakes cannot convey.”

God’s media silence over the last thousand years or so has left an increasing number of people to doubt His existence over that time, but now He reveals that He has just been busy creating, and subsequently watching, football, with a particular interest in Leicester City.

When the relegation fodder club hired Ranieri in 2015, pundits and supporters alike mocked the selection, as the aging Italian was widely viewed as being on the decline of his career. But then he overcame incredible odds to win the Premier League title in his first season. And though Leicester are once again battling relegation this season, they are still alive in the Champions League knockout stage, making the timing of the decision somewhat curious.

“Sacking Ranieri now, simply out of fear of a relegation that would suddenly wipe out massive revenue streams and potentially threaten the very existence of the club, proves that football has lost its soul. Which is inexcusable since I only gave souls to two sports: football and curling,” God added. “And so, as punishment, I will smite the earth by extending Joey Barton’s playing career by 10 years. Dilly-ding, dilly-REPENT!”

When asked for comment, Claudio Ranieri handed out free puppies and hugged everyone who looked like they needed one before disappearing into a double rainbow.


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Claudio Ranieri has framed pictures of every Premier League manager in his office for some reason

In Claudio Ranieri’s office and he’s got pics of all the PL managers. First one off the wall?

A photo posted by Gary Lineker (@garylineker) on

It takes a unique manager to pull off a Premier League title with Leicester City and Claudio Ranieri — with his pizza rewards and made-up words — is certainly that. So it should come as no surprise that the decor in his office is unusual to say the least.

Thanks to Gary Lineker’s Instagram, we now know that Ranieri has framed pictures of every Premier League manager in his office. This is weird. Of course, Jose Mourinho has pictures of Arsene Wenger and Rafa Benitez in his office, but those are on dartboards. These are nicely hung artistic black and white photographs. They convey a respect for his colleagues that they would likely find unnerving.

It makes you wonder if he uses them for some sort of pre-match voodoo ritual or if he sends pictures of him with the photos to his next opponent in order to get in their head and make them think he’s some sort of stalker. Whatever the case, it’s gotten me thinking and my picture isn’t even on his wall.

Leicester City lift Premier League trophy, so I guess this is definitely real

After beating Everton 3-1, Leicester City were presented with the Premier League trophy and no one announced that this season has been an elaborate YouTube prank, so this seems to definitely be a true thing that has happened within the confines of what we believe to be reality.

These pictures have not been photoshopped. They are actually of Claudio Ranieri and his players lifting the Premier League trophy, an item that currently belongs to them fair and square.

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Claudio Ranieri is so excited he’s making up words now

Amidst all the talk of whether Leicester can hold on and win the Premier League title, Claudio “The Sausageman” Ranieri has provided an impassioned reminder that club’s already certain achievement of a place in the Champions League needs to be recognized.

“Hey man, we are in Champions League!” Ranieri told a reporter during his Friday press conference. “WE ARE IN CHAMPIONS LEAGUE, MAN! Dilly ding, dilly dong! Come on!”

So there you have it. Claudio Ranieri remains endlessly likable and he confirms that Leicester will sign former Montreal Impact midfielder Dilly Duka this summer.

Leicester City had a full blown clean-sheet pizza party

Leicester City manager Claudio Ranieri said he would fulfill his promise of pizza for all of his players after their first clean sheet of the season against Crystal Palace last weekend and he really wasn’t joking.

On Thursday, Leicester had a full-on pizza party at Peter Pizzeria, where they were able to make their own. And for dessert, they even had Nutella pizza.

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Claudio Ranieri fulfills clean sheet pizza promise to his players

Leicester finally recorded their first clean sheet of the season and all it took was the supreme motivational power of pizza. Last month, Claudio Ranieri promised to buy pizza for all of his players if they achieved the feat and in their 10th match of the season, they finally did it, beating Crystal Palace 1-0 to put them three points behind first-place Man City.

Being a man of his word, Ranieri announced that he will fulfill his promise and even throw in some champagne for good measure. And for scorer Jamie Vardy, who now has goals in seven consecutive Premier League matches (giving him a league leading 10 for the season), there will be an added bonus.

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Claudio Ranieri offers to buy pizza for his players if they keep a clean sheet

Leicester City are off to a surprising undefeated start, second only to Man City in the Premier League, thanks to new manager Claudio Ranieri. Though it’s difficult to find negatives about their five league matches of the season, one area where they could improve is defensively, having allowed seven goals — more than any other club in the top half of the table except for Norwich.

So to try and motivate his players to concede fewer goals, Ranieri has offered an incentive: free pizza.

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