Tag: Paraguay

June 8, 2016

Colombia-Paraguay coin flip proves Copa America Centenario is cursed

This is it. Definitive proof that Copa America Centenario has been cursed by the football gods for being an orgy of greed and incompetence.

Prior to Colombia’s 2-1 win over a 10-man Paraguay, there was the coin toss. And on the first attempt, something unusual happened: the coin landed on its edge. IT LANDED ON ITS EDGE.

The match officials and captains had a giggle about it, but this was surely the nervous laughter of men frightened to their core by the supernatural occurrence they just witnessed with their own eyes.

This is what happens when you charge $40 for parking, price fans out of being able to fill the stadiums, disrespect national anthems, and have kitmakers who can’t even spell their partner countries names’ right. This is a warning! The tournament will be smited for these egregious offenses! Repent! REPENT!

July 1, 2015

Lionel Messi put on a show in Argentina’s Copa America semifinal blowout

Argentina beat Paraguay 6-1 in the Copa America semifinals. Lionel Messi did not score any of those goals, but he still won man of the match with a hat trick of assists and a jumble of Paraguayan body parts left in his wake (see above).

Some Messi-lights….

June 28, 2015

Dunga blames virus for Brazil going out of Copa America on penalties against Paraguay…again

For the second straight Copa America, Brazil were eliminated by Paraguay with a woeful penalty shootout display. They had a lead from the 15th minute thanks to a Robinho (yes, that Robinho) goal, but Paraguay equalized from the penalty spot in the 72nd minute, sending the match to penalties. Brazil made their first spot kick, but flat out missed two of their next three.

Here’s the shootout in its entirety…

June 17, 2015

Jamaica keeper heads the ball into opponent’s knee for Copa America’s saddest goal

Paraguay beat Jamaica 1-0 for a share of the lead with Argentina in Group B and they have goalkeeper Duwayne Kerr to thank. The problem for Kerr: he plays for Jamaica.

June 1, 2015

Paraguayan fans steal rival club’s trophies, throw them on the pitch

Paraguay’s two oldest clubs, Olimpia and Guarani, have developed a fierce rivalry over the years. So fierce that prior to their match on Sunday, Olimpia fans broke into Guarani’s trophy cabinet and stole their silverware.

After waving the trophies around, the fans then threw them onto the pitch, prompting a solitary man to collect them into a mess of twisted metal under his arm.