Well hello there.
I see you’ve caught me scoring against Arsenal at the Emirates. Yet again. This was an especially satisfying conquest since few people gave Monaco a chance. But like when I pop out of your oversized birthday cake completely nude, we gave them quite the surprise. Ha-HA!
Well hello there, Jack Wilshere.
I see you’ve been caught smoking again. I’ve been caught smoking, too. But there is one very important difference between you and I in these situations. I look suave and debonair while doing it (as I do whenever I do anything), whereas you look like a truant schoolboy who tells his parents to shut up whenever they say hello to his friends. This is part of the reason why you get in trouble for these things and I do not.
Well hello there.
I see you’ve caught me trying my hardest at football. Of course, we both know that I’m capable of scoring from this position. And we also both know that when I say that I’m referring to sex. And goals. Because I do both of those things a lot. And no, not just when I’m alone. Ha-HA!
