Tag: Wolfsburg

Losing to Wolfsburg inflicts physical pain on Marcelo

Wolfsburg shocked the world by beating Real Madrid 2-0 in the first leg of their Champions League quarterfinal and no one felt the pain of that upset more than Marcelo. The frustrated Real Madrid defender tried to be sneaky with a kick at goal scorer Maximilian Arnold before setting up for a free kick. When Arnold then stepped up to Marcelo as he bent over to place the ball, Marcelo headbutted him in the chest and fell over holding his face.

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Max Kruse dropped by Germany after losing poker winnings and eating too much Nutella

If I told you there was a Wolfsburg striker who has fined €25,000 for losing €75,000 in poker winnings he left in the back of a taxi, called out by his manager for eating too much Nutella, and dropped by his national team for demonstrating a lack of focus, you would almost certainly assume I was talking about Nicklas Bendtner. But all of this has actually happened to Max Kruse, who seems to have contracted a full blown case of Bendtneritis.

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Nicklas Bendtner, the king of dumb fines, gets fined for Instagram photo

On my way to another session

A photo posted by Nicklas Bendtner (@bendtner3) on

Leave it to Nicklas Bendtner to get fined by his club for an Instagram picture of himself preparing to go to a training session. The Danish striker previously fined €100,000 by UEFA for showing his sponsored underpants after scoring a goal at Euro 2012 has now been fined an undisclosed amount by Wolfsburg for posting a picture of himself getting into a Mercedes. This is a problem because Wolfsburg’s shirt sponsor is Volkswagen.

From Sky Sports:

“We have our rules, one of those being that you must pay attention to how you are photographed in public,” said Wolfsburg’s director of sport Klaus Allofs.

“The rules are not new.

“It’s misconduct and it’s careless, which at the end of the day will cost [Bendtner] money.”

The image was posted three days ago, but Bendtner still hasn’t taken it down. Perhaps Mercedes are making it worth his while, just as the bookmaker that sponsored his underwear did.

Nicklas Bendtner tired of “being portrayed as an idiot,” continues to fuel that portrayal

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Nicklas Bendtner thinks it’s high time everyone starts taking Nicklas Bendtner seriously. The Wolfsburg striker ironically dubbed “Lord” Bendtner told 11Freunde (via the Guardian):

“I don’t say yes to every interview request. I am tired of being portrayed as an idiot. And even journalists who I trust are not capable of describing in words what I am feeling when I am not playing.”

Yes, the man who was photographed with his pants falling down outside a nightclub, drunkenly demanded free pizza at a pizzeria, was fined and banned for revealing sponsored underwear during Euro 2012, was fined and banned from driving after being caught drunkenly going the wrong way down a road in Copenhagen, posted this image to Instagram, and is even the subject of an article asking if he is “the most stupid player in Premier League history” is tired of being portrayed as an idiot.

But that didn’t stop him from saying more dumb things in the very same interview.

“I have always had a huge desire but perhaps not always the right perspective. I used to think that a forward’s responsibility was to score goals. Now I know that you have to run as well.”

That’s not a 16-year-old academy kid saying that. That’s a 27-year-old professional footballer saying he only just realized the importance of running to his job. And there’s more.

The Dane also expanded on why the tiger is his favourite animal, having described himself as the “tiger who never gives up” towards the end of last season.

“The tiger stands at the end of the food chain. He eats to survive, without any compassion, he doesn’t even feel it. He is the predator par excellence, an animal of dangerous beauty.”

Oh, Nicklas Bendtner. You are truly the tiger of ridiculousness.

Robert Lewandowski scores five goals in nine minutes, renders Pep Guardiola goal drunk

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Losing 1-0 to Wolfsburg at home after 45 minutes, Pep Guardiola decided to make a double switch, replacing Juan Bernat and Thiago with Javi Martinez and Robert Lewandowski, respectively. The Polish striker then proceeded to scored five goals between the 51st and 60th minutes, putting Bayern up 5-1.

That’s not five goals in nine games, nine weeks, or even nine months. He did that in nine minutes. Needless to say, this is absurd and destroys everything we thought we knew about space and time. When Lewandowski scored his fifth, you could actually see the exact moment that Pep Guardiola’s brain melted.

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