Tag: Xabi Alonso

Xabi Alonso: A man of many poses

When you hire the Bayern Munich midfielder to model, you get your money’s worth

This is called “Hoping no one notices you in the school pickup line” (adidas)

Like Andrea Pirlo, Xabi Alonso is a person who can make anything look cool. He demonstrated this at a recent photoshoot for adidas’ Porsche Design Sport clothing line. Here’s an assortment of the many poses he has in his impressive repertoire.

(adidas)

The “Closely watching someone make a poor attempt at parallel parking across the street in case they hit another car and you have to leave a note for the owner” pose.

(adidas)

The “Cosplaying as Ryan Gosling from the movie Drive in the parking lot of a comic book convention” pose.

(adidas)

The “Police officer unconvincingly going undercover as a high school student” pose.

(adidas)

The “Reading a profile of Thomas Müller aloud to your wife, who is only half listening as she watches her favorite television show” pose.

(adidas)

The “Holding an apple and remembering a Shakespearian soliloquy once performed in a drama class for footballers interested in getting more commercial work” pose.

(adidas)

The “Distracted by a troubling news report on the changing migration patterns of Canadian geese while reading the paper” pose.

(adidas)

The “Getting back to the article when the report about the geese ends and an advertisement comes on” pose.

(adidas)

The “Watching your kid pour themselves a glass of juice and you can tell they’re about to spill it everywhere” pose.

(adidas)

The “Let’s have sex on this countertop right now” pose.

(adidas)

The “Stay at home dad picking up his wife from work” pose.

(adidas)

The “It’s time to dance until the sun comes up” pose.


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Thomas Müller doesn’t want Xabi Alonso to be cold

After playing 120 minutes in Bayern’s incredible comeback against Juventus and being scarred for life by Pep Guardiola threatening to cut his balls off on Wednesday, Thomas Müller was given the day off Saturday as the Bundesliga leaders faced Cologne. As a result, his focus went from scoring goals to caring for his teammates on the bench.

When Xabi Alonso came off in the second half, Müller was there to tenderly wrap him in a coat so he wouldn’t get cold.

“Karim Benzema never did that for me,” Xabi thought.

Xabi Alonso scores wonder goals, plays air guitar

From growing a beard to scoring goals to playing air guitar, Xabi Alonso does everything with style.

On the pitch, he demonstrated this by scoring his first goal of the season with a thumping volley from distance to give Bayern a 1-0 win over Darmstadt in the DFB Pokal. And if you thought it might’ve been a lucky strike, well, Xabi has news for you.

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A look inside Xabi Alonso and Thiago’s German lessons

Xabi Alonso and Thiago have both been with Bayern Munich for a while now and as the video above shows, their ability to speak German is coming along nicely.

In this lesson, we learn why Xabi’s shots are so powerful, that he knows a thing or two about Oktoberfest, and that if this video was about Carlos Tevez’s attempts to learn English, it would just be five minutes of an empty chair and a disappointed teacher.

In conclusion, Xabi Alonso is very handsome.

Bayern Munich’s Christmas party got a little weird

Unbeaten in the Bundesliga with three matches left to play before the winter break, Bayern Munich held their annual Christmas party on Sunday night and it got a bit strange. A small stage was set up in the middle of the room and several performers entertained the team by doing things like whatever is happening in the picture above.

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