Category: Italy

Antonio Conte bans all that is delicious (plus carrots) ahead of Euro 2016

Italy manager Antonio Conte, who is apparently more monster than man, has decided to ban his players from eating anything that tastes good (plus carrots) as they prepare for Euro 2016.

From Football Italia:

According to La Stampa newspaper, he will get the Azzurri ready for Euro 2016 by banning snacks, pasta (apart from that made from Khorasan wheat, also known as Kamut), grissini, pizza and sweets.

Carrots are also on the negative list due to their sugar content.

Coverciano and the training camp mini-bars will have no supply of ice cream, crisps or croissants.

Clearly the man has learned nothing from Claudio Ranieiri. And a carrot ban seems misguided at best.

Anyway, this policy will likely get Italy eliminated in the group stage since all of their players will wish they are dead.

Crotone to intimidate Serie A with terrifying shark person statue

Calabrian side Crotone FC have won promotion to Serie A for the first time in their history, so to prepare for their new challenge, they have unveiled an unsettling statue of a half shark, half man footballer that will surely strike fear into the hearts of all their opponents.

The club’s nickname is the Sharks (Squali), so there is some inspiration for this creature other than the effects of hallucinogenic drugs.

Francesco Totti might regret his decision to play another season with Roma when he meets this thing.

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Luca Toni chips in a penalty during his final match, retires like a boss

World Cup winner Luca Toni went out in pretty much the best way a guy on a relegated team could hope by audaciously chipping in a penalty and beating Serie A champions Juventus 2-1. The 38-year-old striker, who was Serie A’s top scorer as recently as last season, executed the Panenka that sparked cheers from both sets of fans in the 43rd minute before doing his signature celebration for the last time.

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DTotD: Paul Pogba taken down by champagne slicked floor

Juventus sealed their record fifth consecutive Serie A title with Roma’s 1-0 win over Napoli, prompting the usual celebrations of bouncing around while spraying champagne. But since the players were in a room with a hardwood floor instead of the dressing room, this created hazardous conditions. And Paul Pogba fell victim to them.

While attempting to take a selfie while moshing around, Pogba slipped on the wet floor, then looked like he was trying to walk on ice as he attempted to get back to his feet.

This is a video that likely gave France manager Didier Deschamps a heart attack so close to Euro 2016, but Pogba appeared to survive the ordeal without any ill effects.

This has been the Dirty Tackle of the Day: a chronicling of unfortunate events. 

Francesco Totti keeps making Roma fans cry with his goals

Struggling with injuries and out of favor with Roma manager Luciano Spalletti, it seemed Francesco Totti might have already scored his last goal in a Roma shirt way back in September. But on Sunday, he came off the bench to score a late equalizer against Atalanta, making Roma commentator Carlo Zampa have a euphoric meltdown on the air (above).

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You can now watch more than 16 consecutive hours of Gigi Buffon making saves

Unsure what to do with yourself to make it through the tedium of the international break? Well Juventus have come to the rescue by uploading a 973-minute long video of Gianluigi Buffon making saves to celebrate his Serie A clean sheet record of the same length.

As Juve point out, at the 4:07:57 mark, the video matches the time it takes to travel from Turin to Rome by train and at 9:16:57 it lasts as long as the entire Lord of the Rings trilogy.

Please alert your family before you start watching this video. Not that 16 hours is long enough for anyone to worry about not hearing from you, but surely they will be able to make arrangements to help you assimilate back into society after making it all the way through.

Stephan El Shaarawy gives his jacket to cold mascot

(AS Roma)
(AS Roma)

Prior to Roma’s match at Carpi on Friday, January loan signing Stephan El Shaarawy endeared himself to his new club by taking off his jacket and putting it on the chilly kid standing in front of him.

While looking at this picture, you can almost hear all of his teammates thinking “Damn it, do we all have to give the kids our jackets now?” The children, meanwhile, are thinking “Why couldn’t they give us clothing that actually fits?!?!”

Anyway, there’s a lot going on here.