Conspiracy Theory: Rafa Benitez wants to wear Jose Mourinho’s skin

It started innocently enough. Rafa Benitez succeeded his old rival, Jose Mourinho, at Inter in the summer of 2010. After all, there are only so many top jobs in football and there’s a certain logic that says an opening with a club that just won the treble weeks before is impossible for any manager to pass up.

But then, after quickly washing out at Inter and disappearing for two years, Benitez took over Chelsea, the club Mourinho managed when they were direct and frequent adversaries. This was strange. Especially since Benitez had previously said that he wouldn’t work for this club. But, again, there are only so many top jobs and Benitez had to take what he could get in the wake of his swift dismissal at Inter.

Then, after two years with Napoli (perhaps just to throw off the suspicious and put a hiccup in the developing pattern), he somehow fell upward to another one of Mourinho’s former clubs: Real Madrid.

Benitez started both his playing career and managerial career at Real Madrid and it had long been regarded as his dream job, though. A fact that was enough to limit any talk of a dark quest to experience what Jose Mourinho has experienced to jokes and put downs.

Now Benitez is going a step further and saying what Mourinho says, proving beyond a shadow of a doubt that his life’s mission is to wear Jose Mourinho’s skin like some kind of Special Onesie.

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If it continued…and thankfully it didn’t (Man Utd v Chelsea)

Manchester United and Chelsea, two clubs with uncertain managerial situations that both exist under the shadow of Jose Mourinho, played a miserable scoreless draw to end the calendar year. Thankfully, the match came to a merciful end that allowed all interested parties to move on with their lives and pursue more fulfilling endeavors. But since we have a masochistic streak here at Dirty Tackle, we feel compelled to ask, “What if it continued?”

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Jose Mourinho already being welcomed to Man Utd by scarf vendors outside Old Trafford

(@BTsportfootball)
(@BTsportfootball)

Louis van Gaal hasn’t been sacked yet, but that hasn’t stopped the unofficial scarf vendors outside Old Trafford from peddling a new Jose Mourinho/Manchester United (or “UNTED” as the scarf above reads) offering ahead of Chelsea’s visit.

Surely Man United CEO Ed Woodward is kicking himself for not getting this product in the club shop before the knockoffs hit the street.

Let’s just hope Juan Mata doesn’t see these.

(Action Images via Reuters / Jason Cairnduff)
(Action Images via Reuters / Jason Cairnduff)

Meanwhile, in the wilderness of Sweden…

In search of #adrenaline.

A photo posted by IAmZlatan (@iamzlatanibrahimovic) on

As most footballers (outside of England) enjoy a relaxing winter break, Zlatan Ibrahimovic searches the snow covered wilderness of Sweden for the fuel that keeps him at the peak of his formidable strength: adrenaline.

Like a shark, he cannot stop moving. Always hunting, whether it be on the pitch or on a snowmobile.

Consider this a reminder that Zlatan is always out there. Ready to pounce. He does not rest.

DTotD: Turkish player tackles opponent, then viciously kicks him in the head

With only a few days left in December, an amateur footballer in Turkey is making a bid for the nastiest display in a match this year with this vile tackle and head kick combo.

He starts by sweeping his opponent’s legs from behind — and that alone was enough for the referee to show him a red card. Perhaps realizing that he had nothing left to lose, he then went 50 steps further and savagely kicked his downed opponent in the head.

According to the Daily Mail, the victim needed nine stitches to his lip, but other than that was OK. Which is pretty amazing.

This has been the Dirty Tackle of the Day: a chronicling of unfortunate events.