Rafa Benitez is officially Real Madrid’s next future ex-manager. He has been given a three-year deal by the club where he started both his playing and coaching careers (both with the B team). And no, it’s not still 2006.
Winning two La Liga titles and a UEFA Cup with Valencia, then the Champions League and FA Cup with Liverpool gave him impressive credentials that still seem to overshadow what he’s done since getting sacked by Liverpool in 2010. That was five years ago. So what was his five-year plan to fall ass backwards into the dream job he wanted all along? Lets take a look.
The sudden and unexpected resignation of newly re-elected FIFA president Sepp Blatter has been met with resounding joy and optimism. But some will wonder what could have been if the 79-year-old Blatter only had more time to enact all the fantastical things he always talked about doing.
Four days after winning re-election as FIFA president and giddily declaring himself “president of everybody,” Sepp Blatter has abruptly announced that he will step down once a special election can be held in a few months so he can spend more time with his legal team and anyone willing to hide him in their basement.
Continually plumbing new depths of classlessness under Mike Ashley, Newcastle informed long-time members of the team Ryan Taylor and Jonas Gutierrez, who returned from testicular cancer to score the goal that ensured that they would not be relegated, of their release with one call on a shared phone.
Though both players had been told that they would be released months in advance, they were informed of the final decision by economically conscious caretaker manager John Carver while they were both in Northern Ireland working towards their coaching badges. From the Guardian:
“John Carver rang me and told me the club weren’t going to offer me a new deal,” Taylor told Sky Sports News. “I then had a chat with him, he’s a good friend of mine. I’ve spent a lot of time with John in and out of the club. So I had a chat with him and then he asked me to pass the phone to Jonas, which was unbelievable. I can’t really blame John because he’s under instructions on what to do.”
Paraguay’s two oldest clubs, Olimpia and Guarani, have developed a fierce rivalry over the years. So fierce that prior to their match on Sunday, Olimpia fans broke into Guarani’s trophy cabinet and stole their silverware.
After waving the trophies around, the fans then threw them onto the pitch, prompting a solitary man to collect them into a mess of twisted metal under his arm.
The improbable rescue and resuscitation of a 14-year-old boy who was trapped underwater for 42 minutes in a canal near Milan is being hailed as a scientific marvel, but the boy himself is just concerned as to whether Juventus are still in the Champions League.
I just wanted to show you what a wonderful time I am having now that the season is officially over and no football that is still being played actually counts for anything. I’m sure every other footballer wishes they were here right now, too.
This boat I am on doesn’t have a television or internet access, so I can only assume that the Copa del Rey final and Champions League final were both canceled and Lionel Messi was arrested for being a witch. Very sad, I know, but I promise you that Real Madrid will return to both cup finals next season! As long as something inconceivable like Rafa Benitez becoming our manager and making Gareth Bale the focus of the team doesn’t happen, but that’s a silly thought and probably evidence that I’ve been in the sun too long. Anyway, I look forward to another season of working with the brilliant Carlo Ancelotti, who led us to La Decima just one short year ago!
The water, the people, and the experiences here are all beautiful! This is what life is all about. Not team trophies. It’s about spending quality time with friends and laughing and winning individual trophies like the Pichichi award for being La Liga’s top scorer. Winning more than three Ballon d’Or awards is just showing off, and, frankly, quite selfish, though.
I hope everyone enjoys the offseason break and makes sure to watch the Women’s World Cup, which begins on the 6th of June and is the only thing happening that day.
PSG beat second division side Auxerre 1-0 in the Coupe de France final to complete the country’s first ever domestic quadruple, having also won the Ligue 1 title, the Coupe de la Ligue, and the Trophee des Champions. Though Zlatan Ibrahimovic was prevented from scoring himself, leaving him three goals shy of Pauleta’s club record 109 career goals at the end of the season, he was still downright giddy over the achievement.
Arsenal won their second consecutive and record 12th FA Cup, beating Aston Villa 4-0 in what amounted to a relaxing Saturday stroll. These are the very best images from the Gunners’ historic day…
Lionel Messi opened the scoring in the Copa Del Rey final between Barcelona and Athletic Bilboa with a typically spectacular solo goal in which he completely baffled four or five defenders along the way. He later help set up Neymar to score Barca’s second goal before halftime.
Meanwhile, Dani Alves decided that this was a proper occasion to present his personal tribute to the poop emoji.
