Harry Kane, the 21-year-old Spurs striker currently enjoying a run of form to rival Lionel Messi’s for best in the world, is not the person he seems to be. Of course, that’s easy to say when most observers of the game only just learned of his existence this season, but the creation of “Harry Kane” has been more than a decade in the making. And the objective is to produce the perfect mix of talent and benign likability in order to further propel the Premier League and English football to even greater financial and sporting success.
Paul Scholes subtly calls Robbie Savage a ‘knobhead’ on live TV
Paul Scholes has always been admired for managing to combine an incredible football career at the highest level with an exceptionally humble approach to celebrity. But since hanging up his boots (twice), the Ginger Ninja has let the general public know what his voice actually sounds like by lending his opinion to BT Sport. Read more
Mario Balotelli finally scores Premier League goal for Liverpool, gets berated for not celebrating
With Liverpool and Spurs even at 2-2, Mario Balotelli replaced Daniel Sturrridge in the 74th minute for the home side. To many observers, this seemed like a curious and futile decision, since Balotelli hadn’t scored in his previous 12 Premier League appearances for Liverpool even with a healthy number of quality chances afforded to him.
But in the 83rd minute, Balotelli ended his goalless streak by sweeping the ball into the net from close range. He then did his trademark non-celebration before getting mobbed by his teammates, and Liverpool went on to win 3-2.
The inner monologue of Man United’s press officer as Louis van Gaal defended his long balls
Oh God, what’s happening. What are these papers he has? Are they photocopies of his arse? I really hope they aren’t photocopies of his arse. This is bad. This is bad. This is bad. They’re going to eat him alive for this. What do I do? Should I just run? I can run and run and run and start a new life in Vienna, maybe. Surely they have nice, quiet football clubs where the managers don’t know how to use Microsoft Excel there.
Zlatan Ibrahimovic takes a selfie with himself
A wax figure of Zlatan Ibrahimovic was unveiled at the Grevin Museum in Paris on Monday and the real Zlatan made the most of the opportunity by taking a selfie with himself. His caption for the photo was even more Zlatan than a photo of two Zlatans, though.
Kevin De Bruyne fined for swearing at German ball boy in English
As we have already established, ball boys are duplicitous scoundrels. Kevin De Bruyne learned this during his brief spells with Chelsea in between getting sent out on loan. Another thing he apparently learned at Chelsea: swearing in English.
During Wolfsburg’s 1-1 draw at Frankfurt, De Bruyne was unhappy with the speed at which the local ball boys were moving, so at one point he shouted “Get the ball, you motherf***er.” This was caught by the pitchside mics and now he’s been fined €20,000 for “unsporting behavior.”
De Bruyne said he would apologize to the ball boy, who plays for Frankfurt’s U-16 team, and give him a signed shirt. Hopefully he signs it “To Motherf***er…”
Video via 101GG
Brazilian club hire fans’ mothers to help with derby security
Sport Club do Recife and advertising firm Ogilvy came up with a unique method of ensuring things went smoothly at Sunday’s “Classico dos Classicos.” By hiring the mothers of fans — dubbed “Security Moms” — to act as stewards for what is traditionally one of Brazil’s most violent rivalries.
Ivory Coast goalkeeper scores AFCON winning penalty, coach consoles opposing players
The Ivory Coast have won the African Cup of Nations title 23 years after winning it for the first time with a penalty from goalkeeper Boubacar Barry (a.k.a. Copa Barry) serving as the shootout decider. A shootout that Gervinho, who was subbed off just before it began, couldn’t bring himself to watch.
Michael Bradley scores directly from a corner kick in Panama friendly
Michael Bradley opened the scoring in the U.S.’s friendly against Panama in spectacular fashion by scoring an Olimpico in the 27th minute. The Toronto FC midfielder placed a perfect ball into the far corner of the net, in between the Panama keeper, a defender and teammate Jozy Altidore.
Union Berlin halt match in eighth minute to honor teammate diagnosed with cancer
German second division club Union Berlin have rallied around 34-year-old midfielder Benjamin Kohler, who was recently diagnosed with Hodgkin’s lymphoma when doctors found a malignant tumor in his stomach. The club quickly acted by extending his contract, which was due to expire at the end of this season, until 2016.
But with Kohler in the stands for Union’s 2. Bundesliga match against Bochum, his teammates organized another show of support by getting their opponents to agree to halt the match in the eighth minute (they were shooting for the seventh minute, since that’s Kohler’s shirt number, but couldn’t quite get the timing down) and leading everyone in the stadium in applauding him.