Several alternate titles for Frank Lampard’s poorly timed children’s book “Frankie’s New York Adventure”

By February 5, Frank Lampard was supposed to be with New York City FC, preparing for the start of the club’s first season in MLS following what was believed to be his short-term loan stint with Man City. Instead, he’ll still be with Man City since he never actually signed a contract with NYCFC when he was unveiled last summer. But he will release his latest children’s book on that day, regrettably titled “Frankie’s New York Adventure.”

This will only add further insult to the already embittered fans in New York. So in the interest of helping Lampard smooth things over, we’ve come up with some alternate titles for the book.

January 23, 2015

Angel Di Maria launches shot out of Cambridge United’s stadium

“Go get it.”

League Two side Cambridge United held Manchester United to a scoreless draw at their Abbey Stadium to force a dream FA Cup replay at Old Trafford. While Cambridge’s performance against their much wealthier opponent was a valiant one, Man United’s left a lot to be desired. And when Angel Di Maria blasted a shot completely out of the 4,376-seat Abbey Stadium, it pretty much summed up the evening for the visiting side.

January 23, 2015

Real Madrid fan in Dubai has a Decima themed Lamborghini

If a Real Madrid themed Lamborghini were exist anywhere, it was always going to be in Dubai — where supercars grow instead of trees. And so it is there that one Madridista celebrated the club winning their 10th European Cup last season with unparalleled flash.

With a large crest on each side and all 10 cups on the back end spelling out “Hala Madrid,” the customizations are enough to make Ferruccio Lamborghini cry.

January 23, 2015

Peter Crouch being tall, Avram Grant complaining about a bus, and the Wealdstone Raider making you sad

Perhaps I shouldn’t stand next to jockeys pic.twitter.com/c3Ah9c9Pca

— Peter Crouch (@petercrouch) January 22, 2015

Peter Crouch is really tall and this jockey he met in Dubai is really small, so they decided to delight the world with their one-foot and seven inch height difference by posing together in a photograph. How considerate of them.

January 22, 2015

How Martin Odegaard’s father earned contracts for himself and his son at Real Madrid

Real Madrid have unveiled new signing Martin Odegaard — the 16-year-old Norwegian who became the youngest player to ever appear in a Euro qualifier last year and attracted the interest of every major club in Europe. He will reportedly be paid a whopping €80,000 and his transfer fee was between €3-8 million. Though the financial specifics haven’t been disclosed by the club, they did announce that Martin’s father, Hans Erik, will also join Real Madrid as a youth coach.

On the surface, this appears to be a familiar story of too much too soon facilitated by a shady, backroom deal to curry favor with the parents of an overhyped child. But both contracts might be more deserved than many will assume.

Shortly after Martin earned his historic call-up to Norway’s senior national team at 15, Hans Erik went on Nordic television to explain that his son’s meteoric development was no accident.

January 22, 2015

Cristiano Ronaldo bulks up, wears disguise to surprise young fan on streets of Madrid

Cristiano Ronaldo disguised himself in a wig, fake mustache and some padding under his sweatshirt in order to surprise a young fan (and a few older ones) in Madrid. It’s unclear if he did this for a commercial or TV show or just to keep his mind off his recent breakup, but he quickly drew a crowd and seemed pleased with the reaction he got.

So the next time you see a chubby, mustachioed man with a football walking around the Spanish capital, just assume that it’s Cristiano Ronaldo.

Video via Eurosport

January 22, 2015

DT Exclusive: How Jordan Henderson and Diego Costa nearly came to blows

Liverpool midfielder Jordan Henderson and Chelsea striker Diego Costa reportedly had to be separated in the tunnel following the first leg of their Capital One Cup semifinal at Anfield. Though confrontations with opponents are a near daily occurrence for Costa, this one was a bit different since it continued after the final whistle. The following is a transcript of what happened in that tunnel.

January 21, 2015

Manchester United are powerless against mice who control Old Trafford

Manchester United were able to quickly chase David Moyes out of Old Trafford last season, but the mice who have claimed the stadium as their home are apparently proving more difficult to shoo away. And no, I’m not talking about the Glazers.

According to the Daily Mail, Man United were one of only two Premier League clubs to receive a less than perfect score on their latest hygiene report (Burnley being the other), in part because of a mice infestation that has plagued the club for years.

January 21, 2015

ESPN’s Craig Burley loses bet, gets (suspiciously fake) Fernando Torres tattoo

In the 1990s, Craig Burley was a regular in the Chelsea midfield, but now he’s a regular on the ESPN sofa, where he specialises in saying obtuse and mildly controversial things. One such mildly controversial thing was a bet that Fernando Torres would fail to score in Atletico Madrid’s Copa del Rey tie against Real Madrid at the Bernabeu last week. If Nando did score, Burley said he would get a tattoo of his pretty little Spanish face. Read more

January 21, 2015

The definitive timeline of Lionel Messi and Cristiano Ronaldo playing for the same club

Lionel Messi recently expressed his willingness to play in the same team as Cristiano Ronaldo in a supremely hypothetical world where that might be possible somehow. Now Ronaldo has followed that up by saying that competing against Messi motivates him. So what would happen if they actually did play in the same team? Exactly this.