Six minutes into his first appearance of the MLS season, Didier Drogba scored a 56th-minute backheel equalizer against Chicago. Drogba’s debut was delayed by his refusal to play on turf in order to preserve his 38-year-old knees and almost didn’t happen at all as considered retiring to join Guus Hiddink’s coaching staff at Chelsea back in December.
FC Kansas City fans spot typo on championship rings
A close-up of the new hardware. #QU3ST #FCKC #NWSL pic.twitter.com/SpbgiODs2n
— FC Kansas City (@FCKansasCity) April 17, 2016
The championship ring is a longstanding tradition in American sports that has seeped its way into the country’s professional soccer leagues. So, as reigning champions of the National Women’s Soccer League, FC Kansas City received their rings before their first match of the new season. And as this proud moment unfolded on the pitch, the club’s Twitter account showed off the ring each player was receiving, allowing followers of the account to spot a problem: the rings say “NSWL” instead of “NWSL.”
Text messages from Roman Abramovich
A melancholy Roman Abramovich was caught on camera with his texting finger hovering over his phone as his Chelsea put on a dismal performance in a 3-0 loss to Man City. These are his texts.
DT Exclusive: The Jurgen Klopp halftime team talk that inspired a miracle
Liverpool conceded two goals in the first 10 minutes of the second leg of their Europa League quarterfinal against Borussia Dortmund, replacing the melodically vibrant pre-match unity at Anfield with a familiar gust of dejection. The scoreline held until halftime and Dortmund’s progression seemed like a foregone conclusion, but then something incredible happened. Liverpool scored four times in the second half, with the last two goals coming from Mamadou Sakho and Dejan Lovren, of all people, to win 4-3 and advance on an aggregate score of 5-4.
The Liverpool players later credited the unbelievable turnaround to Jurgen Klopp’s halftime team talk. The following is a transcript of what Klopp told his players in the dressing room during the break.
How to tell when Barcelona are actually in crisis
Barcelona were eliminated from the Champions League by Atletico Madrid for the second time in three years and have now lost three of their last four matches. This has prompted an all too familiar round of “BARCELONA IN TROUBLE” alarmism that past experience has proven is rarely warranted. So how is one to tell when we’re actually in the midst of a true Barcapocalypse? Here’s a handy guide…
Zlatan Ibrahimovic generously gives Champions League trophy to less fortunate footballers on purpose
Hello, I am still Zlatan.
Many footballers talk about the charitable work they do. Some give money, others give time, but every year I give the greatest gift of all to groups of fellow players who are not fortunate enough to be Zlatan or work with Zlatan. That gift is the Champions League trophy.
Every year I win many trophies for myself and my teammates. This makes me a champion. Therefore, every league that I am in is a champions league. So that means I have won the champions league many, many times. As a result, I feel that I must also give something away to the poor bastards who oppose me — something that is big and the best, like Zlatan. Because that’s how Zlelfless I am.
Now you are probably thinking “But, All-Powerful Zlatan, this means you also giving lucky fraud Pep Guardiola the opportunity to win the Champions League!” This is missing the point. I don’t think about Pep Guardiola. I spend all my time thinking about how I don’t think about Pep Guardiola. What I am actually doing is giving his players the chance to win the Champions League because, as someone who Zluffered through working with him myself, I know how much they deserve it for having to endure his stupidity.
My critics and Zlaters always point to the fact that I have not won the Champions League as evidence that I am not as great as I am. So now that I have revealed the reason for this, I hope they feel bad about everything they have ever done. Their quiet shame will be an acceptable apology to me.
Though Man City did not truly deserve to beat PSG, I hope that Manuel Pellegrini can win the Champions League title I so generously bequeathed because I would find it Zlilarious if another man prematurely replaced by Pep Guardiola — a terrible manager who I am still not thinking about — won this trophy before Pep takes his job and proves he cannot do the same thing. And if Pellegrini can’t do it, then I hope Simeone wins it since he will be the top general in my intergalactic army one day.
So to recap: I have won the champions league many times, but I don’t win the Champions League on purpose out of the kindness of my Zleart, I only care about Pep Guardiola just enough to hate him more than anyone else in the world, I am going to conquer the universe with General Simeone, and if anyone mentions how I haven’t won the Champions League again, I will kick them in the pancreas so hard that it will turn into a giraffe.
The Zlend.
Mark Noble carries time-wasting Ander Herrera off the pitch
Down 2-0 to Man United in the FA Cup quarterfinals and with time starting to run out, West Ham’s Mark Noble grew impatient as Ander Herrera received treatment. Instead of letting him milk the clock, Noble decided it was time for action and carried Herrera towards the touchline.
Cristiano Ronaldo announces dangerous levels of goals in his DNA
Cristiano Ronaldo scored all three goals as Real Madrid overturned a 2-0 first-leg deficit against Wolfsburg to advance to the Champions League semifinals. After proving his incredible talents yet again, Cristiano made a startling admission to the press.
Arminia Bielefeld player celebrates teammate’s goal by biting him
Though Luis Suarez has brought a certain prominence to angry biting in football, there is actually another type of biting in the game, too. Celebratory biting.
Zidane joins exclusive club of managers who have ripped their pants
Real Madrid’s comeback to eliminate Wolfsburg from the Champions League after going down 2-0 in the first leg of their quarterfinal was arguably the greatest moment of Zidane’s brief managerial career. And as he reacted to a near miss after his side took a 3-2 aggregate lead, he tore his pants.