Tag: Arsene Wenger

September 30, 2016

Arsenal give Arsene Wenger a trophy for being manager for 20 years

Arsene Wenger is celebrating 20 years without getting sacked by Arsenal and to mark the achievement, the club presented him with a crystal vase that can occupy the space left by all the trophies Wenger hasn’t won over the last decade.

September 14, 2016

Arsene Wenger doesn’t care about Champions League success anymore

In the film Groundhog Day, after Bill Murray’s character lived the same day over and over and over again, he eventually lost his will to live and began to try and end his life so his repetitive torment would finally be over. Only it didn’t work, and the same day began anew regardless of his fatal actions. Well, this appears to be the position in which Arsene Wenger currently finds himself in the Champions League.

August 11, 2016

Arsene Wenger surprised clubs still aren’t offering him their best players for free

Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger has expressed genuine shock that other clubs are not calling him to offer their best players for free.

August 5, 2016

Viking FK gave Arsene Wenger a sword and now no one is safe

Arsenal visit Norwegian club Viking FK for a friendly and before the match, the two sides exchanged gifts with Viking giving Arsene Wenger a sword. This seems dangerous.

April 30, 2016

2016 Arsenal civil war moans on with protest and counterprotest

The Great Arsenal Civil War of 2016 eclipsed the club’s match against Norwich as fans took the battle from the outposts of YouTube, Twitter, and Starbucks across north London to Emirates Stadium itself. An organized Wenger Out protest was met by a pro-Wenger resistance force while some highly paid men in kits ran around a bit.

April 29, 2016

Broken Arsene Wenger blames Arsenal fans for not winning the Premier League

Arsene Wenger is a broken man. Looking set to finish third or fourth in the Premier League for the 11th consecutive year in a trophyless season that will likely mark the first time in 21 years that Arsenal will finish behind Spurs, the club’s fans have been voicing their discontent even louder than usual in recent weeks.

April 10, 2016

Arsenal fans want everyone out as fourth-place dream proves elusive

Some fans want their club’s manager out, others want their club’s owner out, but Arsenal fans want both out. That was the message they committed to time-honored banner form and held aloft as they watched their team surrender a 2-0 lead to West Ham and finish with a 3-3 draw because they let Andy Carroll nearly double his goal tally for the season.

March 19, 2016

Arsene Wenger suggests the Premier League is the new Champions League

From the man who brought you the fourth place trophy concept comes a new thesis of defeatism that’s sure to provide Arsenal fans with zero comfort after losing to Barcelona in the Champions League. A club Wenger says are “more beatable than ever before.” Seriously.

From ESPN FC:

“Maybe the Premier League has become the Champions League for English teams. Because every game is so difficult in the Premier League that maybe we suffer a bit in Europe,” Wenger said. “Barcelona can walk through their games before they play against us. They played on Saturday afternoon with a team that after 20 minutes was 3-0 up. … They can select a little bit how much they go for it. In the Premier League you cannot.”

If a Premier League club had Lionel Messi, Neymar, and Luis Suarez at their disposal, maybe they could walk through their games, too.

But yes, Arsene, the reason Arsenal haven’t gotten past the Champions League round of 16 in seven years is because Watford might be better than Espanyol and not because your injury plagued team consistently underperforms while you hoard more cash than any other club in the world.

If Spurs finish ahead of Arsenal this season, look for Wenger to say something even lamer like “everyday we’re alive is like finishing in first place.” Might as well call him the limbo king because he keeps pushing that bar lower and lower.