Tag: Dirty Tackle

An offseason postcard from Cristiano Ronaldo

(@Cristiano)
(@Cristiano)

Hello from beautiful St. Tropez!

I just wanted to show you what a wonderful time I am having now that the season is officially over and no football that is still being played actually counts for anything. I’m sure every other footballer wishes they were here right now, too.

This boat I am on doesn’t have a television or internet access, so I can only assume that the Copa del Rey final and Champions League final were both canceled and Lionel Messi was arrested for being a witch. Very sad, I know, but I promise you that Real Madrid will return to both cup finals next season! As long as something inconceivable like Rafa Benitez becoming our manager and making Gareth Bale the focus of the team doesn’t happen, but that’s a silly thought and probably evidence that I’ve been in the sun too long. Anyway, I look forward to another season of working with the brilliant Carlo Ancelotti, who led us to La Decima just one short year ago!

The water, the people, and the experiences here are all beautiful! This is what life is all about. Not team trophies. It’s about spending quality time with friends and laughing and winning individual trophies like the Pichichi award for being La Liga’s top scorer. Winning more than three Ballon d’Or awards is just showing off, and, frankly, quite selfish, though.

I hope everyone enjoys the offseason break and makes sure to watch the Women’s World Cup, which begins on the 6th of June and is the only thing happening that day.

Top scoringly yours,

Cristiano

PSG achieve Zlatan history by completing domestic quadruple

PSG beat second division side Auxerre 1-0 in the Coupe de France final to complete the country’s first ever domestic quadruple, having also won the Ligue 1 title, the Coupe de la Ligue, and the Trophee des Champions. Though Zlatan Ibrahimovic was prevented from scoring himself, leaving him three goals shy of Pauleta’s club record 109 career goals at the end of the season, he was still downright giddy over the achievement.

Read more

Lionel Messi’s first Copa del Rey final goal was as stunning as Dani Alves’ haircut

Lionel Messi opened the scoring in the Copa Del Rey final between Barcelona and Athletic Bilboa with a typically spectacular solo goal in which he completely baffled four or five defenders along the way. He later help set up Neymar to score Barca’s second goal before halftime.

Meanwhile, Dani Alves decided that this was a proper occasion to present his personal tribute to the poop emoji.

Read more

Aston Villa’s best FA Cup final moment: the decision to have booze delivered to the dressing room win or lose

Arsenal dominated Aston Villa in the FA Cup final, winning 4-0 to lift the trophy for a record 12th time. Though Villa were simply outgunned (puns!) from the start, they put in a dismal performance that made one pre-match decision their best of the day.

According to the day’s official running order, which was shared on Twitter by BBC commentator Guy Mowbray, Villa chose to have beer (eight crates) and champagne delivered to their dressing room after the match win or lose. Arsenal, meanwhile, opted to have their booze shipment sent to the team bus only if they won and the referees had a modest haul of 15 beers sent their way.

Read more

Andre Villas-Boas, Zenit players pose for the classiest team photo ever taken

CGPW1RGWwAAXCuE

To celebrate winning their fifth Russian Premier League title, Andre Villas-Boas and the Zenit Saint Petersburg players dressed up like old fashion military generals and posed for a rather absurd team photo.

There really isn’t too much more that can be said about this spectacular image other than: Andrei Arshavin looks like an adorable lawn jockey.

Read more

Chelsea fan mistaken for player signs autographs outside the team’s Bangkok hotel

Chelsea are in Bangkok as part of their post-season tour and the Thai fans couldn’t be happier, though some of them aren’t entirely sure what they’re so happy about. Chelsea supporter Ryan Weston had his Thai counterparts thinking he was a member of the squad and signed autographs for them outside the team hotel.

Ryan had a line of people waiting for him to pose for pictures and sign their Chelsea gear, which he did with the number 29 (which isn’t currently used by anyone in the first team squad).

In the Thai fans defense, offseason tours often include new faces, so many of them probably thought he was an up and coming prospect from the youth academy. But still, this is a bit sad. And a bit funny.

FIFA attempt to distract from crisis with fire, lies, and yodeling

A little more than 24 hours after seven FIFA executives were hauled out of their luxurious Zurich hotel rooms and threatened with extradition to the United States for an assortment of crimes, football’s world governing body held a supremely bizarre opening ceremony to their 65th congress.

Perhaps afraid of getting pinched for his own crimes against humanity, 2014 World Cup opening ceremony scourge Pitbull stayed away from this event, but in his place was an assortment of oddities.

Read more