Neymar was the first to score in Brazil’s 5-0 win over Bolivia, but he was also the first to bleed profusely from the head. In the second half, Neymar took an elbow from Yasmani Duk, which ended up making him look like Ric Flair in a steel cage match.
Almost single-handedly winning Brazil’s first ever Olympic gold in football is apparently a good way to get yourself lovingly mauled by pitch invaders, as Neymar found out during a training session in Manaus. Amidst a sustained chorus of joyful shrieks, several pitch invaders evaded security to hug Neymar to the ground.
Neymar couldn’t help but smile during the hug attack and urged security to go easy on his assailants.
Of course, if he wins a World Cup for his country next, he’ll have a couple hundred million people trying to hug him at once.
Given Brazil’s many footballing embarrassments in recent years, they really, really needed to win their first ever Olympic gold in the sport at the Olympics they are hosting. Neymar was held out of the Copa America Centenario earlier this summer just so he could be fresh for the Olympics and right about now that decision is looking like a good one.
Uma imagem vale mais que mil palavras! (Foto: @prodoutor) #saineymarENTRAMARTA pic.twitter.com/K9Ucl9AXtv
— Hession Dayan (@hessiondayan) August 8, 2016
The continued crappiness of the Brazilian men’s team has prompted the people of Brazil to finally recognize the brilliance of Marta, with one young fan even going so far as to cross out Neymar’s name from the back of his replica shirt and write in Marta’s.
After decades of trading insults in the media, Pele and Maradona have come together in friendship thanks to the money of a mutual sponsor. The pair made an appearance in Paris ahead of Euro 2016 (a tournament neither of them ever played in) to make their declaration of peace.
Instead of playing in Copa America Centenario in the U.S., Neymar will represent Brazil at the Olympics in Rio later this summer. While choosing the event being held on his nation’s home soil better serves Brazil’s national interests, one might think that it would prevent him from building his profile in the U.S. — the Copa America host nation. But not playing in the U.S. might actually be giving him a greater opportunity to increase his name recognition within the country than anything he could possibly do on the pitch.
Neymar got to meet his Madame Tussauds wax figure for a promotional photoshoot and the experience did not seem to sit well with the Brazilian. Throughout their time together, the real Neymar kept inspecting every inch of his inanimate double.
He compared tattoos, felt the tongue and eyeballs, petted the hair. And he wasn’t laughing as he did this. It wasn’t playful curiosity. It was a meticulous inspection. He seemed genuinely concerned about the existence of this identical replica of himself.
The figure will be displayed in Orlando, Florida. Unless Neymar destroys it so it can’t come to life, kill him, and continue on as him with no one noticing the difference. Laugh if you want, but that’s exactly what happened to Pele in 1973.
Luis Suarez will play his first match for Uruguay since returning from his World Cup bite ban and he just so happens to be doing it against Barcelona teammate Neymar and Brazil in World Cup qualifying. Naturally, this occasion calls for a little wager.
Barcelona are enjoying another wonderful season in which they have an eight-point lead over second-place Atletico Madrid (and 15-point lead over Real Madrid), but it is still a season marked by one incredibly odd blemish: a historically bad penalty conversion rate.
The Ballon d’or nominees have been announced and, as usual, everyone has opinions on them. Even the nominees themselves. Neymar thinks Cristiano Ronaldo should have been left out and Luis Suarez should have been included, Cristiano thinks Lionel Messi will win, and Messi probably thinks they should all skip the Ballon d’Or gala and go to Legoland instead.
None of these men deserve the award, though. So, without further ado, let’s get to pointing out the failings of these magnificent athletes.
