On Friday, Zlatan Ibrahimovic confirmed reports that this is his final season with PSG with a brief yet typically Zlatan post on his social media accounts.
Tag: Zlatan Ibrahimovic
Zlatan conducts job interview with woman who does not like Cristiano Ronaldo
When we last saw Zlatan Ibrahimovic conduct a job interview on behalf of the vitamin drink he promotes, he asked a very nervous prospective hire who his favorite footballer was. The guy was smart/scared enough to say it was the massively egoed superstar sitting across from him. But Nicole from Finland is far braver.
Zlatan Ibrahimovic generously gives Champions League trophy to less fortunate footballers on purpose
Hello, I am still Zlatan.
Many footballers talk about the charitable work they do. Some give money, others give time, but every year I give the greatest gift of all to groups of fellow players who are not fortunate enough to be Zlatan or work with Zlatan. That gift is the Champions League trophy.
Every year I win many trophies for myself and my teammates. This makes me a champion. Therefore, every league that I am in is a champions league. So that means I have won the champions league many, many times. As a result, I feel that I must also give something away to the poor bastards who oppose me — something that is big and the best, like Zlatan. Because that’s how Zlelfless I am.
Now you are probably thinking “But, All-Powerful Zlatan, this means you also giving lucky fraud Pep Guardiola the opportunity to win the Champions League!” This is missing the point. I don’t think about Pep Guardiola. I spend all my time thinking about how I don’t think about Pep Guardiola. What I am actually doing is giving his players the chance to win the Champions League because, as someone who Zluffered through working with him myself, I know how much they deserve it for having to endure his stupidity.
My critics and Zlaters always point to the fact that I have not won the Champions League as evidence that I am not as great as I am. So now that I have revealed the reason for this, I hope they feel bad about everything they have ever done. Their quiet shame will be an acceptable apology to me.
Though Man City did not truly deserve to beat PSG, I hope that Manuel Pellegrini can win the Champions League title I so generously bequeathed because I would find it Zlilarious if another man prematurely replaced by Pep Guardiola — a terrible manager who I am still not thinking about — won this trophy before Pep takes his job and proves he cannot do the same thing. And if Pellegrini can’t do it, then I hope Simeone wins it since he will be the top general in my intergalactic army one day.
So to recap: I have won the champions league many times, but I don’t win the Champions League on purpose out of the kindness of my Zleart, I only care about Pep Guardiola just enough to hate him more than anyone else in the world, I am going to conquer the universe with General Simeone, and if anyone mentions how I haven’t won the Champions League again, I will kick them in the pancreas so hard that it will turn into a giraffe.
The Zlend.
Zlatan Ibrahimovic once put Rino Gattuso in a bin, says Thiago Silva
There have been many stories of Zlatan Ibrahimovic playfully abusing his teammates over the years, but what sets Thiago Silva’s latest tale apart is that the victim is Rino Gattuso, another man known for his ferocity, albeit of the more compact variety.
Zlatan says he will stay with PSG if Eiffel Tower is replaced with statue of him
Zlatan Ibrahimovic scored four goals in PSG’s 9-0 win over last-place Troyes (giving him 102 in just four seasons with PSG) to help the club clinch their fourth consecutive Ligue 1 title in record time. After the match, Zlatan, whose contract expires at the end of this season, admitted that he is currently thinking that his future lies elsewhere. Although, there is one way the city of Paris can convince him to stay.
Pictures of footballers euphorically spraying themselves with cologne
It has come to my attention that footballers really enjoy spraying cologne on themselves. Usually it’s because it’s their own branded scent, but the act of spritzing it on themselves seems to elevate them to a state of absolute nirvana.
Thankfully, there are images that capture this rare moment of pure elation. The absolute best example is this one from Cristiano Ronaldo’s recent launch of his newest fragrance Legacy…
Zlatan Ibrahimovic conducts job interview, makes interviewee squirm
Zlatan endorses a Swedish vitamin drink called Vitamin Well, so the company had the brilliant idea that he should conduct some job interviews on their behalf.
DTotD: ZLATAN SMASH
Lyon ended PSG’s 36-match unbeaten streak with a 2-1 win on Sunday, but Zlatan did not go down without a fight.
When Zlatan swaps shirts, he gets two in return
Since the beginning of time, shirt swaps have always been a one for one deal. “I give you my shirt and you give me yours.” Well, Zlatan Ibrahimovic laughs in the face of this arrangement.
Zlatan entertains himself on the bench by carefully placing a boot on PSG coach’s head
Zlatan Ibrahimovic scored in PSG’s 3-1 win over Lorient before he was substituted in the 71st minute. So to pass the time until the final whistle, he decided to take off his boot and carefully place it on the head of PSG assistant coach Zoumana Camara, who didn’t seem to mind. Presumably because he had an idea of who did it.