Dunga blames virus for Brazil going out of Copa America on penalties against Paraguay…again

For the second straight Copa America, Brazil were eliminated by Paraguay with a woeful penalty shootout display. They had a lead from the 15th minute thanks to a Robinho (yes, that Robinho) goal, but Paraguay equalized from the penalty spot in the 72nd minute, sending the match to penalties. Brazil made their first spot kick, but flat out missed two of their next three.

Here’s the shootout in its entirety…

So the good news is that at least they made three of their penalties, as opposed to missing all four (video here) like they did in their last shootout against Paraguay. The other good news is that at least they didn’t go out of a major tournament by losing 7-1, like they did last summer. But the bad news is that they were still eliminated prematurely.

Dunga, who is surely now on the verge of experiencing getting sacked as Brazil manager for the second time, was quick to offer a reason for this latest disappointment, though. The players were super sick. Like, totally.

From Reuters:

“It’s not an excuse, but 15 players had a virus this week and we had to limit much of our training,” Dunga told reporters after Brazil had lost 4-3 on penalties following a 1-1 draw. “Today was a game in which it was crucial to use speed and that was what we lacked at the end.

“They had a virus, they had headaches, sore backs, aches and pains all over, each of them worse than the next,” he added.

“Some vomited and we had to slow down our training sessions because of that.”

A sea of vomit flooding the training ground! The horror! The incredibly convenient horror!

This outbreak of a devastating virus — one we’ll call “Brazilitis” just for the sake of simplicity — is just tragic. The one silver lining in all of this, however, is that Neymar got himself banned and left the team before he could be infected with this hideous malady that apparently makes players concede penalties and miss their own.

Hopefully Brazil can discover a vaccine for this awful virus before the next major tournament. Or, you know, find a whole new team.

Hilarious update:

One symptom of Brazilitis must be memory loss.

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