Sepp Blatter won’t attend Women’s World Cup final because…reasons…personal reasons

Not usually one to miss out on a chance to be at the center of a major FIFA event, Sepp Blatter has decided to skip the Women’s World Cup final in Canada due to “personal reasons.” This comes after FIFA general secretary Jerome Valcke, skipped the tournament’s opening ceremony in the wake of several top FIFA officials were hit with indictments and extraditions proceedings by Canada’s friendly neighbor to the south.

From the BBC:

Blatter’s lawyer, Richard Cullen, said Fifa senior vice-president Issa Hayatou would attend the match instead.

Fifa said Blatter – who is reportedly under investigation in the United States – and Valcke would remain at Fifa headquarters “due to their current commitments in Zurich”.

It will be the first time since he became president in 1998 that Blatter has not presented the trophy to the tournament winners.

So what are Blatter’s reasons for staying away for the first time ever? Probably something to do with his strong desire to not get arrested and the hotel in which he intended to stay refusing to clarify whether their “do not disturb” door hangers deter law enforcement officials from extracting guests from their rooms early in the morning.

2 comments

  1. Sepp has to remain at his post to protect Earth from invading aliens. Just watch, there will be zero interplanetary invasions during the final, so stop giving The Man flak for just doing his job with his usual efficiency and modesty.

    Of Course, it would help his image as a defender of all that is Right and Good if his board room wasn’t inspired by a design turned down by Dr. Evil as too sinister.

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