Steven Gerrard tries to fit in during his first training session with the LA Galaxy

Gerrard: Oh. My. God. Robbie, can you believe that I’m totally, like, an LA Galaxy player now. It’s totes amazeballs, isn’t it? I mean, for real.

Keane: Why are you talking like that, Steven?

Gerrard: Talking like what? I’m just speaking in my totally normal Scouse accent. Like, it’s not like I watched the movie Clueless a thousand times in the last two months to learn how people from LA talk because I’m super nervous about playing for a club that isn’t Liverpool and living in a new place and driving on the wrong side of the road and what’s with all the traffic here? Hahahahaha!

Keane: Just relax and you’ll be fine. You’re Steven Gerrard for god’s sake.

Gerrard: For sure. It means so much to me that you would, like, say that. You are awesomesauce to the max, Robbie!

Gerrard: Hey duderinos, what if we all go to In-N-Out Burger after this and have a round of animal styles? Haha as if.

Gerrard: Rodeo Drive.

Juninho: What?

Gerrard: Rodeo Drive?

Juninho: What about it?

Gerrard: I’ve totally been there, like, a bunch of times. Just like in that documentary “Entourage.” Awesome.

Juninho: OK.

Gerrard: Rad.

Gerrard: So are we going surfing after this? We should totally go surfing. I surf. I surf a lot. Surfing is awesome. Just surf dudes with attitudes. Kinda groovy. Laid back mood. Sky above. Sand below. Good vibrations. Feelin’ mellow. Won’t give it up. Don’t wanna stop. Don’t wake me up. Don’t wake me if I’m dreamin’. California dreams. Just let me lay here in the sun. Until my dream is done. You know what I’m talkin’ about? Yeah, you do. Tight.

Gerrard: Does this mean we’re bros now? Or is there a form we have to fill out to make it brofficial? No, we have to go to Vegas together, right? I knew that. I totally knew that. Awesome. Vegas, baby. You’re money. Awesome.

Meyer: Are you having a seizure right now?

Gerrard: No, I’m money. Chill. I mean I’m chill. Just chilled money. That’s what they call me. Steven “Chilled Money” Gerrard. But, you know, you can just call me Steven Gerrard. I’ll still know what you mean.

Meyer: OK.

Gerrard: Awesome, future bro. Awesome.

Gerrard: Sepulveda Boulevard.

7 comments

    • Artur B. says:

      NO IGOR. CHILLED MONEY IS NOT GOLD!!! IT IS MADE FROM PAPER!! I DISCOVERED THIS WHEN I TRIED TO MELT IT DOWN TO CREATE PART OF MY GREEN POWER RANGER COSTUME!!! THE BURNING. IT WAS TERRIBLE!!! LEARN FROM MY MISTAKE IGOR!!!!!!

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