Bermondsey Millwall Den and other egregious football themed baby names

Millwall fan Mike Bloomfield decided to name his newborn son Bermondsey Millwall Den Bloomfield without telling his wife (“Hey honey, you know that child you carried inside your body for nine months and then expelled in an unimaginably painful experience? Yeah, I gave it a ridiculous name behind your back! Love youuuuuu!”). For those who have no idea what any of those words mean, Bermondsey is the district of London in which Millwall play and The Den is their stadium.

The Bloomfields don’t live in Bermondsey, though. They live in Croydon, “surrounded by Crystal Palace fans.” Their friends have already decided to simply call the child “Dave.”

From the Guardian:

He told the [Southwark News]: “If David Beckham can name his son Brooklyn, then I can name mine Bermondsey. I just love Millwall … One of the women at the registry office was a Millwall fan and she loved it when she saw what we are going to name him. I threatened to do it but I don’t think my wife believed me! I’m not sure how she’s going to react.”

His wife later told the paper the name was “growing on me … He was a bit frightened to come home. I’m coming around to it though and I quite like it. I think he looks a bit like a Bermondsey and it’s definitely unique. I don’t think anyone else has got a name like that.

To be fair, he kind of has a point about Beckham. But there’s no way Victoria would have let him live if he tried to name the baby without her consent.

Sadly, this is far from the first time a parent has given their child a horrific football themed name.

A Burnley supporting couple named their baby Jensen Jay Alexander Bikey Carlisle Duff Elliot Fox Iwelumo Marney Mears Paterson Thompson Wallace Preston after the entire first team in 2011. The twist there is that their surname (Preston) is the name of Burnley’s rivals.

The parents of Dominic Andrew Lukic Newsome Fairclough Whyte Dorigo McAllister Batty Strachan Speed Chapman Cantona Cazaux used the same method using the title winning 1991/92 Leeds United squad. Now 22 years old, Dominic supports Arsenal because that’s how you get revenge on your awful parents for doing that.

Speaking of Arsenal, Olympic gold medal winning runner Mo Farah wanted to name his son Arsenal, but his wife wouldn’t allow it. According to the BBC, at least 36 babies have been named after the London club since 1984, though.

Then there’s the Norwegian Liverpool fans who named their daughter YNWA (the acronym for You’ll Never Walk Alone). They pronounce it “Yee-Nwa.”

All of these parents should be in jail for the rest of their lives.

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