Experts: Europa League trophy spent too long in Sevilla captivity to be released back into the wild

Silverware experts have agreed that the Europa League trophy has simply spent too long in Sevilla’s possession to be released back into the wild or another club’s possession. As a result, the trophy must now stay with the Spanish club forever.

“When a untamed trophy spends too much time with one club, it becomes accustomed to a certain way of life and can no longer fend for itself in other environments,” says silverware behavior expert Dr. Xavi Hernandez. “After two years with Sevilla, it would have been inhumane to let Liverpool take possession of the Europa League trophy. So it was only right that the match officials did what they could to ensure that Sevilla retained it. This was the compassionate thing to do.”

Sevilla came from behind to beat Liverpool 3-1 in the Europa League final and lift the trophy for a record third consecutive year and fifth time overall. After the match, Liverpool manager Jurgen Klopp implied that the referees influenced the result, saying, “There were four decisive, obvious decisions and all were against us.”

Dr. Xavi, however, feels Klopp is being selfish with his complaints.

“You must think of the trophy,” says Dr. Xavi. “If Liverpool or any other club had won the match and taken possession of it, the trophy’s family would reject it and it would not be able to find food in this very different habitat after all this time with Sevilla.”

When asked what trophies eat, Dr. Xavi quickly changed the subject.

“At this point, UEFA should retire the Europa League trophy so it can live out its days in comfort with Sevilla. They can use a new one for future winners, but, to be honest, why bother? It’s the Europa League. Now the Champions League trophy — there is a majestic beast! It has never allowed itself to be captured twice in a row by any club. It will never be tamed.”

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