Idiots keep whinging about Hakeem Sterling and his gun tattoo, but if having a gun tattoo makes you a bad egg, then my three-year-old daughter Cirrhosis is Jeffrey Dahmer. Sterling’s alright. It’s Erin Dier that’s the real problem in this England team.
Here are the facts:
- His name is “Dier” which is basically a threat of violence and probably a coded message to his street gang. Is his shirt number the amount of people he’s “Dier’d” so far? Yes. It definitely is. They were probably all puppies, too.
- Counting is for stats nerds, so I’m not doing that no more.
Dier hangs out with rapists.
He’s more interested in American football than real football.
“All about the Eagles for the new NFL season”? What about Spurs and England, Erin? The Three Lions need players who are fully committed. And not to gridiron hashtags.
He speaks foreign. As if the Brexit vote never happened.
I’m pretty sure he set up the sting operation that got my best mate Big Sam sacked as England manager.
He looks like an actual rat.
He once spent £17 at KFC when he wasn’t even hungry.
He sucked on a helium balloon so he could talk in a high-pitch voice like an absolute prat.
He won’t shut up about meeting David Beckham when he was a child.
He cuts his beard hair to be the same length as his head hair.
He was late for something at some point in his life and it was incredibly irresponsible.
He might be a robot programmed to sabotage England by the Russians.
He secretly pays the newspapers not to write about Hakeem Sterling instead of all the awful things he does himself.
Dier is truly a menace and if Southgate had any sense at all, he would send this numpty home and then step down so Big Sam could reclaim his rightful place as England’s spiritual leader at Russia 2018.