Category: Copa America

Bearded Leo Messi casually dominates 10-man Panama, jumps atop Copa America scoring list

When we last saw Lionel Messi on the pitch, he was walking off with an injury and a bit of Beckham-like stubble on face. Exactly two weeks later, a fully bearded Messi made his belated first appearance in Copa America Centenario and promptly scored three goals and set up a fourth in a span of 29 minutes to lift Argentina to a 5-0 win over 10-man Panama and become joint-top scorer for the tournament with Brazil’s Coutinho.

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Colombia-Paraguay coin flip proves Copa America Centenario is cursed

This is it. Definitive proof that Copa America Centenario has been cursed by the football gods for being an orgy of greed and incompetence.

Prior to Colombia’s 2-1 win over a 10-man Paraguay, there was the coin toss. And on the first attempt, something unusual happened: the coin landed on its edge. IT LANDED ON ITS EDGE.

The match officials and captains had a giggle about it, but this was surely the nervous laughter of men frightened to their core by the supernatural occurrence they just witnessed with their own eyes.

This is what happens when you charge $40 for parking, price fans out of being able to fill the stadiums, disrespect national anthems, and have kitmakers who can’t even spell their partner countries names’ right. This is a warning! The tournament will be smited for these egregious offenses! Repent! REPENT!

Jurgen Klinsmann, U.S. team are basically the greatest ever now

An uninspiring performance in an expected loss to Colombia to begin Copa America Centenario fueled a familiar rise in angst over the state of the U.S. team and calls for Jurgen Klinsmann to be sacked. Hours before the U.S.’s second group-stage match against Costa Rica, federation president Sunil Gulati legitimized these calls by telling reporters, “We have to win games … no one has ironclad job security. Jurgen’s already said, for coaches and players, it’s about results.”

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Copa America Centenario isn’t off to the greatest start

The special 100th anniversary edition of Copa America hosted by the U.S. was supposed to be a showcase to further strengthen a potential 2026 World Cup bid. But so far it has only been an exhibition of greed and poor planning.

Playing Chile’s national anthem for a confused and angry Uruguay ahead of their match against Mexico at For-Profit University Stadium in Glendale, Arizona was an embarrassing flub that follows a string of poorly attended matches. And the excessive cost to attend these games probably has something to do with that.

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Neymar is building his brand in the U.S. instead of playing in Copa America

Instead of playing in Copa America Centenario in the U.S., Neymar will represent Brazil at the Olympics in Rio later this summer. While choosing the event being held on his nation’s home soil better serves Brazil’s national interests, one might think that it would prevent him from building his profile in the U.S. — the Copa America host nation. But not playing in the U.S. might actually be giving him a greater opportunity to increase his name recognition within the country than anything he could possibly do on the pitch.

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The opening match of the Copa America Centenario is now a thing that has happened

At a purely objectively level, few people thought the U.S. would open the Copa America Cashgrabenario by beating Colombia. Though FIFA rankings are deeply flawed, this was still the No. 31 team in the world facing the No. 3 team in the world.

But memories of advancing through a difficult group at the 2014 World Cup and months of hype leading up to a special tournament designed specifically to be played in the United States encouraged a uniquely American brand of optimism to grow in the lead-up to the tournament’s first match. And then an underwhelming Colombia beat the U.S. 2-0, with goals from a corner kick and a penalty that resulted from a handball. Oh, and James Rodriguez left with an injury in the 73rd minute.

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