From growing a beard to scoring goals to playing air guitar, Xabi Alonso does everything with style.
On the pitch, he demonstrated this by scoring his first goal of the season with a thumping volley from distance to give Bayern a 1-0 win over Darmstadt in the DFB Pokal. And if you thought it might’ve been a lucky strike, well, Xabi has news for you.
Just before playing her final match for the U.S. national team, Abby Wambach has proven that she might have a future as Donald Trump’s running mate.
Appearing on the Bill Simmons podcast, Wambach, who has scored more international goals than any other person to ever play the game (184), shared her thoughts on the problems with the U.S. men’s team.
Everything was going so well for Lazio keeper Federico Marchetti in Monday’s match against Sampdoria. He was working on a clean sheet late in the second half when Alessandro Matri scored to put Lazio up 1-0. Thrilled by this turn of events, Marchetti sprinted out of his area to try and celebrate with his teammates, but something went wrong. Very, very wrong.
Barcelona have arrived in Japan for the Club World Cup and eight-year-old Koshiro Yamashita welcomed them by belting out the club’s anthem at a training session while standing in the middle of a group of children. It was so adorable that it probably made Gerard Pique spontaneously bleed everywhere.
Koshiro did a truly spectacular job of confidently leading the clapping kids in the tune and was rewarded for his efforts with a special badge by the club’s vice president.
They probably would’ve brought him back to Spain to lead the singing at the Camp Nou, but FIFA had to go and crack down on their underage transfers.
Chelsea keep losing and Jose Mourinho’s reality is being systematically dismantled around him. For someone who has known only success to suddenly experience endless failure is surely difficult to accept. So in his attempts to make sense of it all, he has blamed a wide variety of individuals. Perhaps even more than when he’s winning.
The following is a complete list of people who are at fault for Chelsea’s current struggles, according to Jose Mourinho.
The Champions League round of 16 draw was boring and put PSG with Chelsea again, so I will provide my expert Zlanalysis of the Euro 2016 draw instead.
Every time there is a draw for a major tournament, there is only one thing people want to talk about: which group is the most difficult. There is even a name given to the group that is the toughest and most feared. But now this group has a new name. The Group of Zlatan.
Leave the singing/lip syncing to your wife, David. You don’t see her putting in crosses to Wayne Rooney, do you? Then again, Man United could probably use her right now.
Previously: Cristiano Ronaldo delivers impassioned performance of Rihanna song on a plane
#np JINGLE BELLS! #bvbsge pic.twitter.com/jiD3Pa7M2H
— Borussia Dortmund (@BVB) December 13, 2015
Feeling festive after their 4-1 win over Eintracht Frankfurt (even Mats Hummels got a goal!), Borussia Dortmund’s famous Yellow Wall did a boisterous rendition of “Jingle Bells” with the players that would put the Grinch himself in the spirit of the season.
Yellow Wall > Cristiano Ronaldo’s house.
Between getting dumped from the Champions League to the Europa League and losing to Bournemouth, Louis van Gaal warned Manchester United fans that it was time to recalibrate their expectations and that the club’s days of dominating the Premier League are over.
From the Guardian:
“They say a club like Manchester United has to win,” the manager said. “That’s the past. You have to analyse the club now. Now we have much more clubs who have money … also the structure and are able to win something.”
So what exactly should Man United supporters expect? Here are some examples that should help keep them from being disappointed:
-Losing to newly promoted clubs that would spontaneously combust if they even looked at Man United’s wage bill.
-Settling into a continental competition that features the likes of the club that finished seventh in the Swiss Super League last season.
-A healthy assortment of sideways passes mixed in with the usual backpasses.
-Crying an average of one to two times per week.
-An endless string of managers who are not Sir Alex Ferguson.
-Consistently losing to lower division clubs in the Capital One Cup.
-Twinges of regret over the treatment of David Moyes.
-Wayne Rooney playing like he chugged a gallon of milk just before kickoff.
-Being linked to the likes of Neymar, Cristiano Ronaldo, and Gareth Bale but signing the crippled ghost of Bastian Schweinsteiger.
-Watching Chicharito gleefully score goal after goal for someone else.
-A strong urge to devote Saturdays to new hobbies and interests, like sitting alone in a dark room.
-Feeling that a once strong sense of superiority is nothing but a distant memory.
-Being able to relate to supporters of every other club in the world.
Flush with confidence after their late winner against Chelsea last week, Bournemouth took an early lead against Man United in daring fashion. Junior Stanislas shamed David De Gea by scoring an olimpico in just the second minute of the game, adding one more laugh at Man United’s expense this week after their elimination from the Champions League.
Marouane Fellaini went on to equalize for Man United in the 24th minute, but he didn’t do it with a corner kick, so it really should have counted for less.
Bournemouth went on to win 2-1 (though it very easily could’ve been even more) with the deciding goal being scored by Josh King, a discarded product of Man United’s youth academy. Clearly the universe is still getting even for the unholy reign of Sir Alex Ferguson.