England coach Dave Watson wowed the team’s goalkeepers in training with a shot that flipped a post out of the ground and impaled the ball on the spike end. Dave Watson is a ball murdering wizard.
FIFA’s official website tries to downplay Blatter, Platini, and Valcke bans
In a historic decision, FIFA president Sepp Blatter, vice president Michel Platini, and FIFA general secretary Jerome Valcke have all been suspended for 90 days by the FIFA ethics committee. This is obviously huge news that could mean Blatter has already slithered out his final day in office, but you wouldn’t get any of that from the hilariously vague headline that FIFA’s official website used to announce the news.
RB Leipzig striker’s shot boomerangs off a defender and hits him in the face
This is just spectacular. Red Bull Leipzig’s Marcel Sabitzer tried to take a shot off the rebound in a 2. Bundesliga match against Nürnburg, but the ball ricocheted off a defender and hit him in the face, sending him to the ground.
Elsewhere, in Bochum’s 5-0 win over Greuther Fürth, a defender deflection worked to Terrazzino’s advantage, setting up a terrible attempt to clear the ball off the goal line…
Mexico training sessions are getting weird
Mexico will face the U.S. in a one-match playoff this weekend for a spot in the Confederations Cup. As strange as that premise is to begin with, it gets weirder still for Mexico since this game will mark the end of interim manager Tuca Ferretti’s four-match reign, because he doesn’t want the job full time after filling in for Miguel Herrera, who was sacked for punching a reporter at Philadelphia airport. But Juan Carlos Osorio has accepted the job and will take over next week, according to ESPN FC.
And now, with all this going on, the players are wearing deflated balls on their heads during training sessions. This is goalkeeper Moises Munoz wearing his new hat and perhaps crying out for help.
Chelsea fan delivers spectacularly furious rant after Southampton loss
We featured this in The Goalmouth earlier (sign up!), but it’s so good that it needs to be shared here, as well. Following Chelsea’s 3-1 loss to Southampton at Stamford Bridge last weekend, a Chelsea fans YouTube channel interviewed a man who attended the game (the whole game — an important distinction, as you will soon discover), as you do.
The interview begins with subdued disappointment in a team that just lost their fourth match of the season, but as the discussion goes on, interviewee Louis starts to build some momentum. Then a few celebrating Southampton fans pass by, acting as the lighter fluid dumped on the bonfire of fury built up inside Louis. Then the interviewer mentions Branislav Ivanovic’s name, lighting the match that sets the whole thing ablaze.
No one is safe from Louis’ rage — Ivanovic, Cesc Fabregas, even fellow Chelsea fans are all addressed in loud and sweary terms. It really a tour de force.
Hopefully Louis found the experience as cathartic. After all, it’s only October.
Massimo Luongo declares his Ballon d’Or nomination “a bit random”
When the 59-player Ballon d’Or long list was leaked last week, a few names stood out. One of those was 23-year-old Australia and QPR Massimo Luongo.
DT Exclusive: The phone call that ended Brendan Rodgers’ reign at Liverpool
Brendan Rodgers was sacked as Liverpool manager after their 1-1 draw in the Merseyside derby. According to the Guardian, Rodgers was informed of the decision in a phone call from Fenway Sports Group president Mike Gordon. The following is a transcript of that phone call.
Satirical news report shows FIFA 2022 video game with labor abuses
Norwegian satirical news show 5080 put together a report on “the most realistic football game ever” FIFA 2022: Qatar World Cup edition. “FIFA 2022 will feature corrupt officials and construction workers enduring life-threatening conditions while living like serfs under the Qatari emir,” they say.
The report also features game footage, including new elements like rehydrating before succumbing to heat stroke…
Referee changes his mind after sending off Palmeiras player, who runs back from dressing room
It was up to Palmeiras defender Egidio to stop Chapecoense’s William Barbio after he beat another defender with a clever move. Egidio’s challenge proved effective as he stripped Barbio of the ball, but the attacker also went to ground in the process. This prompted the referee to show Egidio a red card. It was not the end of the story, though.
While Egidio headed down the tunnel in disbelief, the referee consulted with his assistants, who told him that the challenge was actually a good one. To his credit, the referee took on his colleague’s advice and put his ego to one side, then told Egidio’s teammates to call him back from the dressing room. So Egidio came jogging back out to rapturous applause from the home crowd.
This was about the only thing that went Palmeiras’ way in this match, however. Chapecoense went on to win 5-1.
(Thanks to Ryan Lloyd for the tip!)
DTotD: 1860 Munich doctor slips and kicks injured player
1860 Munich’s team doctor employed a unique method of treating an injured player during Friday’s match against Arminia Bielefeld. Instead of treating captain Christopher Schindler with traditional medicine, he slipped as he approached Schindler and accidentally kicked him in his injured leg.
Logic might tell you that this is the worst thing that he could have done to the player, but it actually worked. Schindler returned and played out the rest of the match. Checkmate, western medicine.
This has been the Dirty Tackle of the Day: a chronicle of unfortunate events.