Brendan Rodgers has been sacked by Liverpool after their 1-1 draw with Everton. Upon hearing the news live on the air with Sky Sports, Thierry Henry reacted like an actor in a soap opera who just saw a character thought to be dead, reaching out to steady himself on Jamie Carragher’s thigh, even though he was already sitting down.
Jose Mourinho gives seven-minute response to one question after Southampton loss
Jose Mourinho appears to have entered the “final scene of Scarface” portion of his second stint with Chelsea after yet another loss, this time going down 3-1 at home to Southampton. After the match, he worked a medley of his greatest hits into a lengthy response to his interviewer’s one and only question to him.
Pele is unsure why everyone cares about Cristiano Ronaldo scoring less than half as many goals as him
I am Pele, the greatest footballer of all time and the source material for all official Pele hair diamonds.
Everyone is talking about Cristiano Ronaldo reaching 500 goals for his career. To him, I say the same thing I told my nephew when he turned 10 years old: “Congratulations, but who cares? I scored 1,283 goals. I am Pele.” This is like the whole world celebrating someone who runs a seven-minute mile when the record is three minutes and 43 seconds. It’s not a big deal. Trust me. I’m Pele.
McDonald’s, Coca-Cola call for Sepp Blatter to immediately stand down, Blatter says no
Like the guy who tries to break up a fight after the police have already arrived, McDonald’s and Coca-Cola have finally decided that enough is enough and called for Sepp Blatter to immediately step down as FIFA president. Because they both just happened to Google Blatter’s name for the first time last night.
Werder Bremen player suspended one match for eating a baguette
The eating habits of professional footballers have become increasingly regulated and scrutinized over the years, but Werder Bremen II player Melvyn Lorenzen might be the first to ever get left back for an away trip because of his choice in travel snacks.
Bayern Munich’s 2015 Oktoberfest extravaganza in pictures
It’s that time again. Time for Bayern Munich to take a break from being the embodiment of their opponents’ worst nightmares, put on some leather shorts and drink a bunch of beer. These are the best images from their boozy excursion…
David Beckham picks Milan as Champions League favorites even though they’re not in it
Despite having more money than the Queen, David Beckham is still doing the usual retired footballer things like attending store openings in Dubai. During this appearance, Beckham was asked who he thinks will win the Champions League this year.
“Who do I want to win is a different story to who I think is gonna win, well maybe it’s not actually,” he began. “I’m gonna have to say Man United, PSG, AC Milan. One of those three I’d like to see win, but when you’re in the Champions League you realize how important this competition is in football and it’s one of the best competitions to actually play in and definitely to win.”
The problem, of course, is that Milan didn’t qualify for the Champions League this year since they finished 10th in Serie A last season. Now, a recently retired player not paying super close attention to the game is understandable given how painful Beckham has admitted it is to no longer be out there himself. But if you’re going to just name the clubs you used to play for, why leave out Real Madrid?! Or maybe have some fun with it and say the LA Galaxy. Or just say “I don’t give a crap about the Champions League, I have more money than the Queen.”
You’re slipping, Becks. You’re slipping.
Arsenal bring questionable desire for fourth place to Champions League group stage
Arsene Wenger has taken his longstanding insistence that finishing fourth is like winning a trophy to a new level by losing each of Arsenal’s first two Champions League group stage matches of the season, putting them last in Group F.
Iker Casillas invites Jose Mourinho to a party after Porto beat Chelsea
Hey Jose,
Long time no talk! How about that match, eh? Losing to your old club in the Champions League must feel awful. And the way this season has been going for you must really have you feeling almost as bad as you made me feel when we were together at Real Madrid, the club I had been with nearly my whole life until you made them think I was worthless and they eventually shipped me out to Porto.
Brazilian referee pulls out a gun after getting attacked by players
There are many stories of referees getting physically attacked — even beheaded — in Brazil, so one official in an amateur match decided he wasn’t going to mess around and pulled out a gun when the players turned on him.