David De Gea signed a new four-year contract with Manchester United that he almost certainly will not come close to seeing out with them. To mark the occasion, he posed for a few photos with Louis van Gaal. Who, as per usual, made it weird.
Steven Gerrard misses Liverpool more than anyone has ever missed Liverpool, sounds sad
Life in Los Angeles seems to be going well enough for Steven Gerrard, but good lord does he miss Liverpool. In an interview with the Daily Mail, Gerrard made it clear that MLS isn’t fulfilling all of his professional desires.
Will Ferrell urges Jose Mourinho to “keep playing defense, man”
At the end of a manic acceptance speech upon being named Comedian of the Year at the GQ Awards in London, Will Ferrell called out Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho and urged him to “Keep playing defense, man. Keep playing defense.”
“Seven guys in the box — I love it,” Ferrell joked.
Mourinho was the recipient of the GQ Editor’s Special Award, because obviously. Here you can see how thrilled he was to be there…
Gerard Pique controversy proves the hypocrisy in demand for loyalty and passion
A lot is made about how modern football has been ruined by mercenaries. The incredibly talented athletes we love to watch are supposedly just doing their jobs for the astronomical sums of money we conspire to afford them. It’s said that they have no passion for the game to which they’ve devoted their lives and sacrificed their futures and hold no loyalty to the employers who demonstrate the same or the fans who are all too eager to turn on them with the weather. This is reason enough to despise and admonish them every chance we get.
If only these footballers truly cared, we say. If only they demonstrated the same passion that we do. Then they would be doing it right.
But as the current fog of idiocy that has surrounded Gerard Pique demonstrates, that’s not true either. In the minds of too many fans and pundits, footballers must live up to impossible and illogical standards and are only allowed to be wrong.
DTotD: Velez Sarsfield player gives opponent a rectal exam during match
Perhaps inspired by Gonzalo Jara’s violation of Edinson Cavani during Copa America, Velez Sarsfield defender Emiliano Amor got a little too personal with Lanus’ Oscar Benitez during a Copa Argentina match.
After lightly punching Benitez in the kidney several times, Amor gripped him like a bowling ball.
The surprise prostate pinch went unpunished, but Lanus went on to advance on penalties.
This has been the Dirty Tackle of the Day: A chronicling of unfortunate events.
Watch Mario Götze bake a cake for his 10 millionth Facebook fan
International breaks are a time of intense boredom, even for players. This inevitably leads to weird ideas, like baking a cake for your 10 millionth Facebook fan while wearing a GoPro camera on your head. Which is exactly what Mario Götze did.
The World Cup winner says he’s never baked before, so this was of course a perfect time to start.
Though there are brief cameos from other people, the video plays out like something made by the last man on earth as he attempts to stave off the crushing loneliness of his existence. Highlights include Mario signing “Pat-a-cake, pat-a-cake!” to himself and just the general oddity of watching Mario Götze go through the process of baking a cake for four minutes and 25 seconds. Especially since he actually made a banana bread.
Bobby Charlton still England’s top scorer without the aid of hair transplants
Wayne Rooney scored his 50th England goal in Tuesday’s 2-0 win against Switzerland, surpassing Sir Bobby Charlton’s long standing team record. But he did it with an advantage that Charlton did not have: hair transplants.
DTotD: Referee lays out Mallorca player with vicious elbow
I’m not sure what Mallorca’s Lucas Aveldano did to deserve the full brunt of this referee’s fury, but he may want to change his name and go into hiding to avoid further reprisals.
Anyway, who knew Liam Neeson was a referee in the Spanish Segunda Division?
This has been the Dirty Tackle of the Day: a chronicling of unfortunate events
Austria coach celebrates Euro 2016 qualification with French stereotypes
Österreich-Trainer Marcel Koller ist für die EM bereits perfekt vorbereitet ???? #ssnhd https://t.co/4GfSt9X2lF
— Sky Sport News HD (@SkySportNewsHD) September 9, 2015
Austria sealed their first ever qualification for a European Championship (their previous appearance in 2008 was as a host nation) by beating Sweden 4-1 on Tuesday. So to celebrate their trip to France for the tournament next year, the team’s Swiss coach, Marcel Koller, showed up to his press conference on Wednesday wearing a beret and toting a baguette.
“It tastes very good,” he told reporters after taking a bite of the bread.
Clearly this man has a future in prop comedy.
David Beckham’s son generously serves as mascot to people less famous than him
Demonstrating his humility and lending his celebrity to a group in need of some positive attention, David Beckham’s 13-year-old son Romeo led England out for their Euro qualifier against Switzerland.