All of Brazil is celebrating the one-year anniversary of a day in which absolutely nothing happened within its borders.
People in LA don’t know who Steven Gerrard is (even those covering the LA Galaxy)
Steven Gerrard’s move to Los Angeles has been promoted for months now. The Galaxy even put up billboards around town to alert the general public to the impending arrival of the former England and Liverpool captain known all over the world.
Japan is 3D printing Cristiano Ronaldos now
You might remember Cristiano Ronaldo’s new ab pulsator from yesterday and every time you close your eyes since then. Well, at a promotional event for the strange device, the company responsible for the device put the real Cristiano Ronaldo on stage with a 3D printed Cristiano Ronaldo and it was terrifying. The eyes even moved!
Steven Gerrard tries to fit in during his first training session with the LA Galaxy
Gerrard: Oh. My. God. Robbie, can you believe that I’m totally, like, an LA Galaxy player now. It’s totes amazeballs, isn’t it? I mean, for real.
Keane: Why are you talking like that, Steven?
Gerrard: Talking like what? I’m just speaking in my totally normal Scouse accent. Like, it’s not like I watched the movie Clueless a thousand times in the last two months to learn how people from LA talk because I’m super nervous about playing for a club that isn’t Liverpool and living in a new place and driving on the wrong side of the road and what’s with all the traffic here? Hahahahaha!
Keane: Just relax and you’ll be fine. You’re Steven Gerrard for god’s sake.
Gerrard: For sure. It means so much to me that you would, like, say that. You are awesomesauce to the max, Robbie!
Cristiano Ronaldo stars in commercial for odd Japanese ab device
About a year ago Cristiano Ronaldo wowed us (and himself) as the pitchman for a Japanese “facial fitness” device. Well now he’s at it again, this time with creepy stick-on pulsating ab, bicep, and thigh devices, which he demonstrates in the video above.
It’s like there’s a night club in his body and everyone’s invited.
What to do when you’ve been transfer banned, by FC Barcelona
In April 2014, Barcelona were given a 14-month transfer ban by FIFA for breaking rules related to the transfer of players under the age of 18. FIFA rejected their appeal in August of that year and in December, the Court of Arbitration for Sport rejected another appeal. “Barcelona will not be allowed to sign any players in 2015,” said the BBC at the time.
This would be devastating news to any club, but Barcelona have found a way to cope in this bleak and treacherous time. The following is their guide to coping with a transfer ban for a full year.
Sign up for our new daily email: The Goalmouth
I’m very excited to announce that DT and Howler Magazine have teamed up to bring you a new daily email that will improve your life by anywhere from 12-14%.
In The Goalmouth, I will be personally curating a daily set of stories and other fun stuff (if you’re familiar with the “Links!” posts on DT, it’s kind of like that, but delivered directly to your inbox) from around the web. Gone are your days of having to blindly click around the back alleys of the internet for things worth wasting your time on. The Goalmouth is here to help. Or enable your life-crippling football addiction. Either way, you should subscribe.
You can see the first edition here and sign up to become a goalmouth breather here. Do it now! It will be the fastest way to learn when Zlatan Ibrahimovic plans to conquer your village.
Andrea Pirlo confirms move to NYCFC with a simple “Yes Pirlo, yes party”
Andrea Pirlo (@Pirlo_official) to Join #NYCFC as Third Designated Player: https://t.co/jeZZLEJ6Xm #WelcomePirlo
— New York City FC (@NYCFC) July 6, 2015
New York City FC have signed Andrea Pirlo to join David Villa and Frank Lampard and the man himself confirmed his arrival with a smooth “Yes Pirlo, yes party” Vine.
Japanese fans reacting to Carli Lloyd going Super Saiyan in the Women’s World Cup final
Carli Lloyd made history with the greatest World Cup final performance of all time, completing a hat trick in the first 16 minutes of the United States’ 5-2 win against Japan. And doing it with a goal scored from the halfway line just to prove that real life is just a game of FIFA 15 against someone’s grandpa for her.
For the Japanese fans on the receiving end of Lloyd’s wrath, it was not a pleasant experience. Here now are some of their reactions to the heavy defeat…
Carli Lloyd completes hat trick in Women’s World Cup final with shot from the halfway line IN THE 16TH MINUTE
You know how cup finals are usually tightly contested affairs that take time to develop and can be decided by the slimmest of margins? That did not happen in the 2015 Women’s World Cup final. When the U.S. spoke about getting revenge against the team that beat them on penalties in the 2011 final, it turns out they weren’t kidding.