Dante asked Thomas Muller to stop making jokes about Germany 7-1 Brazil

We all know people who like to take a joke too far and run into the ground and for Brazilian defender Dante, Bayern Munich teammate Thomas Muller is that person. In the wake of Germany’s 7-1 win against Brazil at last summer’s World Cup — the loss that devastated the host nation and plunged it into a chasm of unending despair and sadness — Muller apparently decided it would be super funny to repeatedly stab Dante in his open wound.

In an interview with Globo, Dante said, “After [Germany] were champions and we came back, Thomas Muller, who always likes to play here and there, made some jokes. Then I came to him and said, ‘We can joke, but for me that’s not cool, it’s not time yet.'”

Dante added that Muller then apologized to him and the jokes about that game ended right there. Or Muller and the rest of the German players just started saving their jokes about it for after he leaves the room.

And now that Dante has made this known, opposing fans in Germany will probably make whatever Muller said to him seem comparatively compassionate.

Several likely explanations for Lionel Messi following Chelsea on Instagram

Lionel Messi’s official Instagram account is now following Chelsea FC’s official Instagram account. This is somehow both important news and evidence of something. Since everyone remembers when Messi followed Manchester City on Instagram in March of last year and then immediately joined the club and won 17 trophies with them, including the World Series of Rugby, before returning to Barcelona and pretending it never happened.

Obviously, there are a number of perfectly reasonable explanations for Messi’s sudden interest in Chelsea’s official social media presence. These are a few.

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The madness of Wimbledon v Liverpool in pictures

League Two side AFC Wimbledon — the club built from the ground up by fans in 2002 after Wimbledon FC were relocated to become MK Dons — hosted Liverpool in the FA Cup third round in front of a record crowd of 4,785. Even without the requisite Magic of the FA Cup, the match was a reward for more than a decade of hard work and passion from a group of fans betrayed by the game they love who had the determination to turn that into something positive.

As a result, there was a unique atmosphere at Kingsmeadow even before kickoff. And it fueled a wonderful brand of madness that lasted until the final whistle. Let’s take a look…

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David Moyes politely sticks it to everyone after beating Barcelona

David Moyes, a once widely respected football manager who unwittingly signed up to become a clown pinata when he took charge of Manchester United, claimed a sliver of redemption with relegation threatened Spanish side Real Sociedad by beating Barcelona 1-0. He even managed to get Barca to score the match’s only goal against themselves (Jordi Alba in the second minute).

As the world sang his praises for the first time in a long while, Moyes was rightly feeling pretty wonderful after the match. But being the good sport that he is, he still took the time to shake hands with several key Barcelona players. Here’s what he said as he did so…

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FA Cup darlings Blyth Spartans have a wonderful fine list

Seventh tier Blyth Sparans embodied the much talked about Magic of the FA Cup by reaching the third round of the FA Cup to face second tier Birmingham and taking a 2-0 lead into halftime. Though that all unraveled when Birmingham scored three goals in six minutes to win 3-2, Blyth have still won over the world (they count Barack Obama and Luis Figo amongst their 11,000 Twitter followers) with their day jobs and quaint fines.

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Luis Suarez saves Neymar from Luis Suarez attack

Luis Suarez collided with Neymar during a Barcelona training session. As we know from past incidents, this type of thing can result in Suarez burrowing his teeth into the other person’s body, but this time Suarez saved Neymar by shoving him away before the temptation to bite overwhelmed him.

This is what progress looks like.

Arda Turan sings (terribly) on The Voice in Turkey

The winter break affords footballers the opportunity to do things away from the game for once. So Atletico Madrid’s Arda Turan went home to Turkey to try and make it as a singer (kind of) on The Voice.

For those unfamiliar with the show, the judges all start with their chairs turned away from the stage, then the contestant walks out and sings. If the judges like what they hear, they turn their chairs around to see the person singing and fill them with false hope that makes their inevitable failure to become the next Right Said Fred.

So when Turan came out, he was given a rousing ovation that piqued that judges interest. And even though his singing sounded like a labrador trying to cough up a cigarette factory, the judges still turned their chairs around just to see who the presumably special guest was.

From there, everyone had a bit of fun, but the lesson of the day is that Arda Turan probably isn’t going to leave Atletico to become the next Dion Dublin anytime soon.

If it continued… (Spurs v Chelsea)

Spurs gave Chelsea a surprise by coming back from 1-0 down to win 5-3 at White Hart Lane on the first day of the new year. A brace from 21-year-old Harry Kane made him the star as Jose Mourinho stewed in his own conspiracy theories and Chelsea’s defending failed them miserably. This made for a rowdy match and demands that we ask the all-important question: “What if it continued?”

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