ESPN FC published their second annual MLS player poll, covering everything from the quality of play to the league structure and even their most overrated colleagues. Using that as inspiration, Dirty Tackle hastily put together a survey for Premier League players, who have answered on the condition of anonymity.
Papy Djilobodji banned for amusing throat slit gesture
Papy Djilobodji, del @werderbremen, un angelito. Ojo al gesto final. #TiempodeJuego147 pic.twitter.com/hzjclwkf7o (vía @CorporeNigra).
— Tiempo de Juego (@tjcope) March 20, 2016
Werder Bremen defender Papy Djilobodji (on loan from Chelsea) did the old pro wrestling face rake move on a Mainz opponent on Saturday and when the guy went to ground, he looked at the downed man and ran his finger across his throat because…I have no idea why.
Djilobodji was shown a yellow card during the match, but the referee missed this gesture, so the Bundesliga reviewed it and handed him a three-match ban.
Still, the question of why he did this in the first place remains. Was it pent-up aggression from spending so much time on Chelsea’s bench earlier this season? Was to signal his finishing move? Did the Mainz player make a disparaging remark about Leonardo DiCaprio’s performance in The Revenant? Who knows.
UPDATE: Djilobodji successfully appealed his punishment and got it reduced to a two-match ban and €15,000 fine. He likely accomplished this by staring down the DFB disciplinary board and making a throat slitting gesture.
Neymar, Luis Suarez have burger bet on Brazil-Uruguay outcome
Luis Suarez will play his first match for Uruguay since returning from his World Cup bite ban and he just so happens to be doing it against Barcelona teammate Neymar and Brazil in World Cup qualifying. Naturally, this occasion calls for a little wager.
Joe Allen appears on cover of magazine about chickens (and eggs)
Any professional footballer will tell you that the most coveted magazine cover to land is the British Hen Welfare Trust’s Chicken & Egg. You haven’t really made it until you’re the face of a publication that holds seasalt competitions. Sadly, that rules out the likes of Cristiano Ronaldo, Lionel Messi, and even Pele.
Max Kruse dropped by Germany after losing poker winnings and eating too much Nutella
If I told you there was a Wolfsburg striker who has fined €25,000 for losing €75,000 in poker winnings he left in the back of a taxi, called out by his manager for eating too much Nutella, and dropped by his national team for demonstrating a lack of focus, you would almost certainly assume I was talking about Nicklas Bendtner. But all of this has actually happened to Max Kruse, who seems to have contracted a full blown case of Bendtneritis.
Ajax manager Frank De Boer injures himself during training session
It’s rare that a manager gets injured during a training session, but that’s what happened to Ajax boss Frank De Boer during a game of a foot tennis. And it was a bad one too — he tore his achilles tendon, which will require surgery.
Tim Howard announces MLS return with claymation video
Confident that his skills have diminished enough to play for the Colorado Rapids, 37-year-old Tim Howard has announced that he will leave Everton at the end of the season and return to MLS after 13 years in the Premier League. And he did this with a claymation video set to Bruce Springsteen’s “Born in the USA”…as you do.
Lionel Messi hits woman with errant shot
الـMILF من المادريغال pic.twitter.com/IiP3m6lBKk
— سَيِدُكُمُ آي نَعَم (@iRaufex) March 20, 2016
Barcelona’s war on fans continued during their match against Villarreal on Sunday when a Lionel Messi shot went over the bar and hit a woman in the hand.
Thomas Müller doesn’t want Xabi Alonso to be cold
After playing 120 minutes in Bayern’s incredible comeback against Juventus and being scarred for life by Pep Guardiola threatening to cut his balls off on Wednesday, Thomas Müller was given the day off Saturday as the Bundesliga leaders faced Cologne. As a result, his focus went from scoring goals to caring for his teammates on the bench.
When Xabi Alonso came off in the second half, Müller was there to tenderly wrap him in a coat so he wouldn’t get cold.
“Karim Benzema never did that for me,” Xabi thought.
DTotD: Robert Huth gets his shirt pulled off his body, referee isn’t bothered
Some fans get upset when players decide to swap shirts at halftime, but I think it’s fair to say that an involuntary undressing during a match is far worse.
On a corner kick during a Leicester’s 1-0 win against Crystal Palace, Scott Dann pulled Robert Huth’s shirt clean off his body. And yet, the referee didn’t think there was any problem with it, despite the Leicester defender’s protests.