The Copa America Centenario Group O’ Death Scale

First things first, yes they just did a Copa America last year and yes they’re holding this special 100th anniversary edition in the United States, a country that has only participated three times and hasn’t been asked back until now after offending CONMEBOL by sending a weak squad that finished dead last in 2007. The answer to all questions that sentence presents is “money.”

The draw for this $pecial Copa America was held in New York on Sunday night and it was immediately decided that the U.S. had yet again landed in the Group of Death™. But is this the truth or just a tired ploy to squeeze pageviews out of an ambivalent American public and manufacture hype before a major tournament? This is where DT’s patented Group O’ Death Scale comes in handy. Let’s put it to use.

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Louis van Gaal nearly blinds himself during Man United win over Shrewsbury

Even in the fleeting moments when things go right for Manchester United this season, they still hold nuggets of embarrassment for Louis van Gaal. While attempting to take a sip of water during Man United’s 3-0 win over Shrewsbury Town in the FA Cup, Van Gaal forgot that he also had a pencil in his hand and nearly stabbed himself in the eye with it.

Momentarily stunned by the sneaky self-attack, Van Gaal rubbed his face to make sure he didn’t mark himself up. Naturally, the whole incident was caught on camera and broadcast to everyone watching the match at home.

I know Man United have been tough to watch this season, but this isn’t the answer, Louis. You’re going to need both your eyes to find the door on your way out.

Trabzonspor player sent off for showing red card to referee who sent off his teammates

When you want to fully express how much you disagree with someone, you have to be sure you’re speaking their language so there is absolutely no chance of misinterpretation. With that in mind, Trabzonspor’s Salih Dursun picked up the referee’s red card after it was used to notify teammate Luis Cavanda that he had been the third(!) Trabzonspor player sent off and attempted to send the referee off, as well.

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A vengeful Manuel Pellegrini might be trying to sabotage Man City

When Manuel Pellegrini had to tell his players and the press earlier this month that his Man City contract would not be extended at the end of the season so as to make way for Pep Guardiola, City were still in contention for all four trophies. There was talk of Pellegrini being understandably upset about the situation — having to work the second half of the season as a lame duck manager — but being a humble and dignified man, he didn’t give any public indication of this.

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Christine Sinclair scores excellent spinning volley against Costa Rica

The CONCACAF Women’s Olympic Qualifying Championship has produced some brilliant goals and this is another one. Canada’s Christine Sinclair took advantage of a botched clearance attempt by Costa Rica in the semifinals to set herself up for a beautiful spinning volley.

Canada went on to win 3-1 to put them in the final against the U.S., but since both finalists automatically qualify for the Olympic tournament, both sides have already won. Sinclair’s three goals in this tournament put her past Mia Hamm on the international all-time top scorer’s list with 161 goals. Only the recently retired Abby Wambach has more (184).

Nicklas Bendtner, the king of dumb fines, gets fined for Instagram photo

On my way to another session

A photo posted by Nicklas Bendtner (@bendtner3) on

Leave it to Nicklas Bendtner to get fined by his club for an Instagram picture of himself preparing to go to a training session. The Danish striker previously fined €100,000 by UEFA for showing his sponsored underpants after scoring a goal at Euro 2012 has now been fined an undisclosed amount by Wolfsburg for posting a picture of himself getting into a Mercedes. This is a problem because Wolfsburg’s shirt sponsor is Volkswagen.

From Sky Sports:

“We have our rules, one of those being that you must pay attention to how you are photographed in public,” said Wolfsburg’s director of sport Klaus Allofs.

“The rules are not new.

“It’s misconduct and it’s careless, which at the end of the day will cost [Bendtner] money.”

The image was posted three days ago, but Bendtner still hasn’t taken it down. Perhaps Mercedes are making it worth his while, just as the bookmaker that sponsored his underwear did.