Muhamed Besic’s hamstring joins campaign against Chelsea

Chelsea were all set to win at Everton and get their season on track after the international break. For nine minutes, the Toffees were completely shut down by Chelsea. Had it gone on for just a bit longer, they probably would have quit and handed Chelsea the three points just to avoid further frustration.

But then, in that moment of desperation, Muhamed Besic conveniently “injured his hamstring” and was replaced by Steven Naismith, a player nearly sold on transfer deadline day, who went on to score twice in five minutes and completed his hat trick in the second half. This gave Everton a shocking 3-1 win and Chelsea their third loss in five matches this season.

Naismith was just the sixth player in the Premier League era to score a hat trick as a substitute and the first to score a Premier League hat trick against Jose Mourinho’s Chelsea. But none of that would have happened if Besic hadn’t have gotten hurt when he did. In fact, Chelsea would have won 1-0 had it not been for Naismith’s fortuitous hat trick. That’s just mathematics.

This is what it’s come to. The campaign against Chelsea has reached the point where opponents’ hamstrings are conspiring against them — regardless of the fact that hamstrings have no concept of what football or sentience even is. Clearly this concerted effort to destroy the reigning champions and their divisive manager has gone too far.

Stunned by the lengths to which the universe has gone in order to impede their success, the Chelsea players were helpless to defend themselves or their goal. Eden Hazard didn’t so much as blink for the entire 90 minutes, Branislav Ivanovic set the world record for making attackers feel bad for beating him every time, and Cesc Febregas was legally declared a tree by the Merseyside Parks Service.

After the match, Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho made it clear that Besic’s dastardly hamstring was the only thing to blame for his team’s loss.

“I am the champion, the players are the champions, the way they are playing is not so bad as the results,” he said. “But in every game everything goes against us. Even today. They start the game with Besic to close the left side, Besic is injured, they play one player and after two minutes the player is scoring two goals. … I don’t blame my players and I don’t blame myself. I don’t accept the results.”

Chelsea’s next league match is against Arsenal, where they will probably lose as a result of targeted wind gusts that push all of Arsenal’s shots into the goal.

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