Tag: Jose Mourinho

Mourinho pays tribute to Aretha Franklin

 

People think Gose Mourinho is cruel, selfish, narcissistic, and miserable human being, which is why I adore him. But he does have a softer side, too. Case in point, after suffering the worst home defeat of his entire career, losing 0-3 to Spurs at Old Trafford, he interrupted the gutless piranha journos reveling in his misfortune to deliver a bit of class.

“Respect,” he said, over and over—a clear tribute to legendary singer Aretha Franklin, who recently passed on. You could tell just thinking about her beautiful voice was getting him teary eyed as he walked out of the press room.

To honour someone else during one of the darkest moments of his career, with the press out for his blood, just shows what kind of person he is. To quote Ms. Franklin, “Every chain has got a weak link…and it’s definitely Luke Shaw.”

Mourinho also rambled on about the number three, pointing out that he has more Premier League titles than the other 19 managers combined. You know what other significance the number three has? It’s the number of minutes it takes Big Sam to consume an entire wheel of cheese without chewing. Keep that in mind when the time comes to replace Mourinho, Manchester United. Sam is available. And he’s ready for a big job. He’d probably be willing to take charge at Old Trafford while he waits for one, though.

 

Man United complete Treble of Disappointment by winning Europa League

The last trophy Man United had never won, because it used to be beneath them

(Paul Pogba/Twitter)

“I don’t want to win the Europa League. It would be a big disappointment for me. I don’t want my players to feel the Europa League is our competition.”
—Jose Mourinho, July 2013

That’s what Jose Mourinho said after he reclaimed the Chelsea job from nemesis Rafa Benitez, who won the Europa League with the Blues less than a year after they won the Champions League under Roberto Di Matteo. And yet, when Mourinho won the Europa League with the once great Manchester United, beating Ajax’s team of minimum-wage earning 12 year olds 2–0 to claim their last-ditch spot in the Champions League, Mourinho celebrated like he just discovered a cure for cancer that also reverses male pattern baldness.

He even went so far as to insist on raising three fingers, referencing the Treble of Disappointment (the Community Shield, EFL Cup, and Europa League) that he won this season, which is very different from the actual treble Man United won in 1999 of the Premier League, FA Cup, and Champions League.

But after two years of embarrassment, Mourinho wasn’t satisfied with ending his superhuman trolling there. In his post-match interview, he added another dig at his rivals, who, unlike him, do not derive pleasure from crushing everyone’s capacity for enjoying the game and then getting a trophy for it at the end.

Though he would certainly prefer to be in the Champions League final, after what Mourinho has endured these last two seasons, this was a living dream for him. From the futile cries of hypocrisy aimed at him to scraping together an absurd claim of treble success to achieving his ultimate goal (Champions League qualification) in a roundabout manner to the jabs at managers who finished higher than him in the Premier League table and yet have nothing to show for it. This went as well as it possibly could have for him and that’s why he celebrated like it.

Meanwhile, an injured Zlatan Ibrahimovic treated the Europa League trophy the way a true champion should: By wearing it like a ridiculous shoe.

Dirty Tackle podcast

Jose Mourinho would rather eat snacks than answer questions during his press conference

It’s been that kind of season for The Snacking One

The second year of Jose Mourinho’s own personal hell is coming to a close and though he still has the Europa League final to try and salvage some semblance of dignity, his unending misery has made it difficult for him to care about anything at all. So at his press conference on Friday, he placed more importance on eating his snacks than answer questions about how shamefully mediocre his team is from a roomful of people who enjoy needling him.

Watch:

Jose Mourinho is one press conference away from showing up without pants on.

Listen to the Dirty Tackle podcast for more nonsense.

Jose Mourinho changes his tune on Arsene Wenger for maximum condescension

Mou knows how to make the most of a loss

Arsenal’s 2–0 win over Man United on Sunday not only ended the Red Devils’ 25-match unbeaten streak that could best be described as “an orgy of draws,” it also marked Arsene Wenger’s first win against Jose Mourinho in 13 attempts over his career.

As their personal rivalry has grown, Mourinho has reveled in his record against a man he once called a “specialist in failure.” But after Sunday’s match, Mourinho had very different things to say about Arsenal and Wenger. Things that might have sounded complimentary on the surface, but served a very specific purpose.

Mourinho said:

“The Arsenal fans, they are happy and I am happy for them.”

That’s so nice! Maybe this loss has finally humbled Jose Mourinho and convinced him that it’s time to make peace with his enemies. But wait, there’s more..

“It’s the first time I leave Highbury or the Emirates and they are happy. I left Highbury, they were crying. I left Emirates, they were crying. They were walking the streets with their heads low, so finally, today, they sing, the scarves, you know, it’s nice for them. It’s nice for them. Honestly. It’s nice for them.”

OK, now he’s starting to sound like a guy who just lost a Mario Kart race to a toddler who doesn’t know what any of the buttons do and can’t handle it.

“It’s a big club. It’s a big club. You think I enjoy the fact that a big club like Arsenal is not winning big trophies?”

Yes.

“I’m not enjoying that. Honestly.”

No one believes that, Jose. No one.

“Arsene Wenger is not a…a…small manager.”

The fact that he had to pause and build up the will to say that is telling.

“He’s a big manager.”

I’m 99% certain he’s referring to Wenger’s height here.

“So to have that record of winning so many matches, it’s something that is not normal. That’s not normal. Normal is win, lose, draw. It’s not normal.”

Translation: “One match doesn’t change the fact that I’ve beaten Wenger an abnormal amount of times.”

“And I really don’t care about it. I really don’t care about it.”

“I’m fine,” say the man with blood pouring from his nose.

“And today, there were no problems. We shook hands before the game, we shook hands after the game, and during the game I didn’t like what I never like: he puts too much pressure on the fourth official all the time. [Man United press officer ends press conference]”

And there it is. All that to work up to a parting shot about Wenger harassing the fourth official. He’s too afraid to go for a win against a top opponent away from home, but he still tries to take the high ground after losing. Truly a master at work.