Author: Brooks Peck

Joe Hart and James Milner try baseball with the Toronto Blue Jays’ Jose Bautista

As soon as that pesky Premier League season ended, Manchester City headed to Toronto so they could do something truly important: collect some more sweet, sweet North American friendly cash. Ahead of the match against Toronto FC, Joe Hart, James Milner, and Richard Wright visited the Rogers Center for a tour led by Jose Bautista.

Once the tour was over (and Joe Hart picked up his jaw after hearing that baseball teams play 162 games in 180 days), the footballers tried some batting practice and Hart realized that having a baseball fly in your direction is far scarier than a football.

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It’s just another great day at FIFA headquarters and no one is terrified

Hello. I am FIFA director of communications Walter de Gregorio and I am here to tell you that I am very tired and everything is super cool. Yes, the United States Department of Justice and Swiss officials are conducting two separate, but coordinated investigations that resulted in early morning raids which saw FIFA officials being taken from their luxury hotel rooms in Zurich and processed for extradition while documents related to the allocation of the 2018 and 2022 World Cups were seized at FIFA headquarters, but this is all good for FIFA. All. Good. In the hood.

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Jose Mourinho illustrates the failings of rival clubs in end of season awards speech

Louis van Gaal’s drunken ramblings to conclude Man United’s awards gala was endearing and delightful. So Jose Mourinho decided to go a different route with his speech at Chelsea’s awards event by roasting the teams that fell short of his side’s title winning standard.

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Ghostwriter of Zlatan’s autobiography admits the book’s quotes aren’t real

Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s 2011 autobiography “I am Zlatan” solidified the Swedish giant as the most quotable footballer in the world. A far cry from the supremely bland autobiographies usually put out by active footballers, Zlatan’s book was even short listed for a prestigious Swedish literary award. But as the book’s ghostwriter now admits, though the sentiment was true, the headline-making quotes were his own creation.

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DT Exclusive: Sam Allardyce’s Real Madrid job interview

Real Madrid sacked Carlo Ancelotti a mere 24 hours after Sam Allardyce became available. Coincidence? Haha no.

“I’m not suited to Bolton or Blackburn, I would be more suited to Inter or Real Madrid,” Allardyce said in 2010. “It wouldn’t be a problem to me to go and manage those clubs because I would win the double or the league every time.”

The following is a transcript of his job interview with Real Madrid president Florentino Perez. 

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DTotD: Norwegian player falls down while trying to kick a door in anger

Espen Hoff was shown a straight red in the 40th minute of IK Start’s Norwegian Tippeligaen match against Sarpsborg for preventing a scoring chance. Frustrated by his early exit, he attempted a running kick at the open door to the dressing rooms, but forgot that football boots don’t grip slick flooring too well and ended up on his ass.

Without missing a beat, he got up and walked on, suddenly more embarrassed than angry.

Start went on to lose 2-1.

This has been the Dirty Tackle of the Day: a chronicling of unfortunate events. 

Giddy Frank Lampard and Sad Steven Gerrard both score in their final Premier League match

After years of highlighting and comparing their incompatible brilliance, Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard have both ended their England careers and their careers in England this season. Both signed off from the Premier League with a goal in their final match before heading to MLS, but the hugely different circumstances in which they scored and emotions on the day sum up their divergent experiences in the Premier League.

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