Author: Brooks Peck

David Luiz won’t celebrate if he scores against Chelsea, but he does call Mourinho and Blanc ugly

David Luiz is a man who likes to spread and express joy, but, sadly, he has chosen a profession where one man’s joy is too often interpreted as a personal insult to others. This is a result of the #RESPECT syndrome and football is currently being choked by its bitter self-importance.

Players are now expected to react as if they just watched the euthanization of their childhood pet when they score against their former club in order to satisfy the delicate sensibilities of far too many supporters and members of the press. So when David Luiz was asked what he would do if he scores against his old club when PSG face Chelsea in the Champions League round of 16, there was only one answer he was allowed to give.

Read more

The key differences between Olivier Giroud then and now

Olivier Giroud scored both of Arsenal’s goals in their 2-0 FA Cup win against Middlesbrough over a span of just two minutes, highlighting his noticeable improvement since he joined the club three years ago.

“I believe that he is a different player today than the guy who arrived here,” said Arsene Wenger of the French striker, who was widely mocked for having the shooting accuracy of a drunk lemur in his first season with Arsenal.

If we compare 2012 Olivier Giroud to 2015 Olivier Giroud, we can pinpoint exactly how he has improved himself.

Read more

Marco Reus is clearly staying at Dortmund for the secret handshakes

Marco Reus recently signed a contract extension with Borussia Dortmund despite the club’s struggles this season and serious interest from bigger clubs abroad. Now we know why: because he doesn’t want to have to learn a whole new set of secret handshakes with new teammates somewhere else.

Following Dortmund’s win against Mainz, Reus carried out a series of handshakes and embraces that seemed to be specific to certain teammates (Pierre-Emerick Aubameyang, Ilkay Gundogan, and Nuri Sahin). The smoothness and ease with which Reus carried out this ritual must have taken some practice, so the thought of starting over with other players who might not be as adept in the secret handshake game must have been upsetting.

Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s new tattoos actually part of campaign against world hunger

When Zlatan Ibrahimovic scored in PSG’s 2-2 draw against Caen on Saturday, he solemnly removed his shirt to reveal that his body appeared to be covered in more tattoos than usual. The new body art was all names and the sheer amount of them prompted jokes from some viewers. Others, meanwhile, scolded him for getting a yellow card for the seemingly frivolous offense, since it earned him a suspension from PSG’s upcoming match against Monaco for yellow card accumulation. But it turns out Zlatan did this for a good and selfless cause.

Read more

Daniel Sturridge and Alberto Moreno attempt synchronized goal dance, look ridiculous

A video posted by @mostarlfc on

Liverpool came from behind to beat Crystal Palace 2-1 to reach the FA Cup quarterfinals, with their first goal coming from Daniel Sturridge, who had teammate Alberto Moreno as a guest back-up dancer on his trademark celebration.

This wasn’t a spontaneous expression of tandem joy, though. Moreno had to audition for his part during Liverpool’s training session on Friday.

Read more

Freddy Adu really wants you to know that he is not a nightclub promoter now

10805658_10153588089522977_8769682693049741156_n

Freddy Adu is once again without a club after a six-month stint with Serbian team Jagodina in which he didn’t really play. So the 25-year-old “American Pele” turned cautionary tale used his notoriety and free time to host an evening at a nightclub in Washington, DC,  where he began his professional career at 14 years old.

Several international media outlets picked up on this event and misinterpreted it as evidence that the former U.S. international is now a nightclub promoter.

Read more