Steven Gerrard. What a legend. pic.twitter.com/njPBclrizl
— Chris Thomas (@ChrisThomasFC) August 2, 2015
Steven Gerrard formally announced his arrival in MLS during the LA Galaxy’s 3-1 win against the Colorado Rapids last weekend. He was not punished.
For the last two years, the once exceptional Radamel Falcao has been a ghost floating through Manchester United, the Colombian national team, and now Chelsea. His utterly forgettable appearance in the second half of the Community Shield was a continuation of his goalless Copa America (in which he was replaced by Jackson Martinez for the quarterfinal, even though he was the team’s captain) and his disappointing season with Man United (in which he was dropped to the U-21 squad at one point).
Though there have been many high profile strikers who have suffered long periods of vanishing form, few have been anywhere near as anonymous as Falcao has been during this period. He hasn’t had the spectacular misses of Fernando Torres or the controversies of Mario Balotelli. It’s almost like he’s not even there. And that’s because he isn’t.
A few months back, paparazzi photos of Cristiano Ronaldo disguised as a bearded street performer in Madrid were released, but there was no explanation as to why he was doing it. Obviously it was to promote some kind of product and not to fulfill his lifelong dream of being a bearded street performer, and now we know it was for his new line of headphones and speakers…because they’re so expensive that you’ll have to supplement your income with street performances to afford them? I don’t know.
The video above shows what Ronaldo went through that day — from getting into his costume to trying to get people to pay attention to him. He even asked a woman for her phone number and she flatly denied him.
After enduring only occasional interest from passers by for some time, bearded Ronaldo found a young boy willing to kick the ball around with. It was then that he removed his disguise and all the people who tried to ignore him all afternoon suddenly swarmed him.
The kid’s stunned reaction to realizing who he was kicking the ball with is pretty great, though.
Usually when rival fans throw objects at players, it’s potentially dangerous, but in one Argentina Primera Division match, it was delicious and/or gross. A disgruntled Racing supporter threw a cheeseburger in the direction of Belgrano goalkeeper Juan Olave during Sunday’s match between the two sides. But instead of complaining or tossing the meat missile aside, he picked it up and took a bite.
After the initial bite, Olave gestured as if to thank the crowd for the mid-game snack, then he took another bite before placing the mangled burger beside the goal post.
The match ended 0-0 and Olave is almost certainly dead from food poisoning right now.
Arsene Wenger walks on by. Jose Mourinho and Wenger (in white shirt and red tie) hate each other. #CommunityShield pic.twitter.com/aBtb1wfkpg
— Omar Moore (@popcornreel) August 2, 2015
It took 14 tries, but Arsene Wenger finally beat Jose Mourinho, albeit in the Community Shield by a score of 1-0. Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain gave Arsenal the lead in the 24th minute and Wenger then beat Mourinho with his own game plan by parking the bus for the remainder of the match while Petr Cech made several fine saves to retain a clean sheet against his former club.
After Chelsea collected their runners-up medals, Mourinho, who came to Wembley dressed for a training session at a high school while Wenger opted for a more formal look, waited at the bottom of the steps for the Arsenal players. Read more
Frank Lampard finally made his NYCFC debut a year after first being unveiled by the new MLS club, coming off the bench in the 69th minute of their 3-2 loss to Montreal. Despite the confusion and lies that led to him playing a full season for sister club Man City before reaching this day, the New York fans showed there were no hard feelings with an “I love Lamp” banner, expressing both their support of the former England international and their love of Anchorman character Brick Tamland.
Palermo midfielder Mudo Vazquez put on a show in his side’s friendly against third division club Lumezzane.
The Argentina born Italian international netmegged one player twice — first going backwards, then forwards. That alone was enough to make everyone in attendance experience a spontaneous orgasm of the eyeballs, but he wasn’t done. He continued the run and nutmegged a second defender, who appeared to be incapacitated by witnessing the devastation wrought on his teammate, and only snapped out of it in time to foul Vazquez and end his soul snatching reign of terror.
Palermo went on to win 4-0. Jerome Boateng, meanwhile, is suddenly feeling a bit better about himself.
Just two weeks ago, Nicklas Bendtner was forced to train on his own as Wolfsburg manager Dieter Hecking felt he was out of shape and was lagging behind his teammates. But in the German Super Cup, Bendtner proved that fitness is irrelevant when you’re of regal blood. Read more
Speaking ahead of the Community Shield and the start of the new season, Chelsea manager Jose Mourinho took a break from roasting his rivals to discuss what he felt his side need to do in order to successfully defend the Premier League title.
From Reuters:
“We are trying to add new qualities to our game to improve what we did in the past,” the Portuguese told reporters during Chelsea’s pre-season tour of the United States.
“We are trying to be a little more unpredictable because opponents know us well and we want to go to the season with high motivation.”
Selling Petr Cech to Arsenal was a start on the path of unpredictableness, but since we at Dirty Tackle like to help, here are a few more ideas on how Chelsea can mix things up a bit…
Thanks to @EASPORTSGOLF for my special cover! I’ll see you on the first tee @McIlroyRory 🙂 #GolfWithoutLimits pic.twitter.com/oa0Y4adx1g
— Asmir Begovic (@asmir1) July 30, 2015
Newly signed Chelsea goalkeeper Asmir Begovic tweeted a special gift he received from EA Sports, who apparently felt he needed something to help him pass the time while he watches Thibaut Courtois all season. The gift was a copy of the new Rory McIlroy PGA Tour golf video game, but with one strange difference.
Compare the image from his tweet to a standard image of the game and see if you can spot it…