Author: Brooks Peck

How FIFA’s official world rankings are compiled

fifaranks

The FIFA/Coca-Cola World Rankings for July have been released and as usual, there are some curious placements. Argentina have replaced the world champions in the top spot despite losing in the Copa America final, Romania and Wales are in the top 10, the USA dropped seven spots despite beating the Netherlands and Germany (in friendlies), and Algeria are the only non-European or South American team in the top 20.

Naturally, FIFA’s bizarre and consistently useless rankings prompt fans and journalists alike to wonder exactly how they are compiled. Now, for the first time ever, DT can reveal the full process of how your FIFA rankings are made.

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Steven Gerrard tries to fit in during his first training session with the LA Galaxy

Gerrard: Oh. My. God. Robbie, can you believe that I’m totally, like, an LA Galaxy player now. It’s totes amazeballs, isn’t it? I mean, for real.

Keane: Why are you talking like that, Steven?

Gerrard: Talking like what? I’m just speaking in my totally normal Scouse accent. Like, it’s not like I watched the movie Clueless a thousand times in the last two months to learn how people from LA talk because I’m super nervous about playing for a club that isn’t Liverpool and living in a new place and driving on the wrong side of the road and what’s with all the traffic here? Hahahahaha!

Keane: Just relax and you’ll be fine. You’re Steven Gerrard for god’s sake.

Gerrard: For sure. It means so much to me that you would, like, say that. You are awesomesauce to the max, Robbie!

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What to do when you’ve been transfer banned, by FC Barcelona

(@FCBarcelona)
(@FCBarcelona)

In April 2014, Barcelona were given a 14-month transfer ban by FIFA for breaking rules related to the transfer of players under the age of 18. FIFA rejected their appeal in August of that year and in December, the Court of Arbitration for Sport rejected another appeal. “Barcelona will not be allowed to sign any players in 2015,” said the BBC at the time. 

This would be devastating news to any club, but Barcelona have found a way to cope in this bleak and treacherous time. The following is their guide to coping with a transfer ban for a full year. 

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Sign up for our new daily email: The Goalmouth

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I’m very excited to announce that DT and Howler Magazine have teamed up to bring you a new daily email that will improve your life by anywhere from 12-14%.

In The Goalmouth, I will be personally curating a daily set of stories and other fun stuff (if you’re familiar with the “Links!” posts on DT, it’s kind of like that, but delivered directly to your inbox) from around the web. Gone are your days of having to blindly click around the back alleys of the internet for things worth wasting your time on. The Goalmouth is here to help. Or enable your life-crippling football addiction. Either way, you should subscribe.

You can see the first edition here and sign up to become a goalmouth breather here. Do it now! It will be the fastest way to learn when Zlatan Ibrahimovic plans to conquer your village.