Carli Lloyd made history with the greatest World Cup final performance of all time, completing a hat trick in the first 16 minutes of the United States’ 5-2 win against Japan. And doing it with a goal scored from the halfway line just to prove that real life is just a game of FIFA 15 against someone’s grandpa for her.
For the Japanese fans on the receiving end of Lloyd’s wrath, it was not a pleasant experience. Here now are some of their reactions to the heavy defeat…
You know how cup finals are usually tightly contested affairs that take time to develop and can be decided by the slimmest of margins? That did not happen in the 2015 Women’s World Cup final. When the U.S. spoke about getting revenge against the team that beat them on penalties in the 2011 final, it turns out they weren’t kidding.
With Chile and Argentina scoreless in the Copa America final, Gonzalo Higuain, a man who will never be confused with King Midas, replaced Kun Aguero in the 74th minute. Carlos Tevez, meanwhile, remained on the bench. This proved to be a huge, huge mistake.
Winning b4 he even steps on the field, thanks Steven Gerrard for the beer! If u are headed 2 Picnication bring ice! pic.twitter.com/L0pKUo9ff8
— LA Riot Squad (@LARiotSquad) July 4, 2015
Steven Gerrard has only just arrived in Los Angeles, but he’s making some very good first impressions. The paparazzi have already praised him as being “nicer than David Beckham” and now he probably has the LA Galaxy’s supporters groups thinking the same thing.
In the first half of Chile and Argentina’s frenetic Copa America final, Gary Medel kicked Lionel Messi in the stomach. The surprise here was not that Gary Medel would do this, but that he was only shown a yellow card for it.
A mere 24 hours after England defender Laura Bassett endured the worst moment of her footballing life by scoring a last-minute own goal to eliminate her team from the Women’s World Cup semifinals, someone at the FA decided to put her in front of a camera and make her talk about that awful experience.
Lowlights include a clearly distraught Bassett saying, “I wouldn’t want anyone to know my name” and the interviewer ending with the gut punch of a question: “How can you move on from what’s happened?”
For once, the top comment on YouTube accurately sums up one’s feelings after watching this.
Chelsea have officially announced the signing of Radamel Falcao on a season-long loan. Though some critics have quibbled that his abysmal form with Manchester United last season and Colombia at the Copa America last month should have served as a clear warning for the Premier League champions to stay away, there are actually so many reasons for them to acquire the once prolific striker that they probably don’t even know exactly why they’re doing it themselves.
Steven Gerrard apparently isn’t the only footballer vacationing in Los Angeles. Ten days shy of the anniversary of his World Cup winning goal, Mario Götze threw out the ceremonial first pitch before the Dodgers-Mets game. And now we know that his arm isn’t quite as accurate his foot…
While England wept and wondered what they had done to deserve the cruelest of sporting fates after losing their Women’s World Cup semifinal 2-1 on a last-minute own goal, the ecstatic Japanese players did…whatever this is.
I don’t know what they’re doing, I don’t know why they’re doing it, but I do know that it’s transporting my mind into another dimension. One where nothing bad could ever happen, the trees are made of lollipops, and everyone is a winner.
